Angst Journal Entry – Empty Physical Promises

So many empty physical promises.  I want to think that eventually I’ll feel something real and it will mean something.  That someone will want to be with me, for me.

Again my high hopes are dashed into a million tiny pieces.  That’s my life. 

To feel so much, I cannot express
To want this much is to be crazy
And said it cannot be
Understood it would not be and alone
Forever, especially today

 Today you’d have me physically
Tomorrow not at all
You can have me and here I am, all of me
But you’re not interested
And once you’ve won my game
You’ll play no more
So I won’t let you win
It’s not a game to me
I’ll not be a prize you’ll throw away

Somehow I’m not good enough
I never am
I’m ruining myself slowly
Destruction not far behind
No one takes pride in the way I look tonight
No one says “that’s my girl, isn’t she fantastic”

Depressive
How do I become worthy of you?
Starve myself to death, workout every day?
Or is the fault in what I was born with?

I’m sorry

How many times to be sorry
How many times to apologize because I’m not enough

But that’s okay because I’ve never been good enough for you