I want to write this blog because I feel that if I had known at 18 the kinds of things I know now, I could have avoided my breakdown, or at least it could have been less severe. I still live with this everyday. I still create new fears all the time, but at least I can cope. At least I can be me without medication. I can lead a fairly decent if somewhat restricted life. I have my moments, trust me, but for the most part I have found a way to live with it. It is my curse, but in many ways it is what makes me unique and different from everyone else. It is what inspires me to be creative. If it weren’t for this problem, then I might not write, or draw or anything. I would be boring, average, with no problems. I like to be the up and down me, the sometimes depressed, sometimes happy, sometimes scared person that I am naturally. And if it takes dealing with the bad parts so that I can be creative, crazy me, than that is something I have to deal with. And I will. And I will write. It’s who I am.
I think it’s important to view yourself in a positive light now and then. To take your negative aspects, like panic attacks or depression and realize that they are part of you, for good or for bad and they shape who you are and what you do. You wouldn’t be the same without them. So even though I hate my panic attacks, depression and anxiety, I also am sort of grateful because they propelled me in a certain direction, they gave me the desire to express myself through writing and that can never be a bad thing.
What can you celebrate in yourself today, whether good or bad? What has shaped you?