Art and Self Criticism

Just a FYI that Angst is featured over at the Book Maven today.  She was kind enough to read my novel and do a review.  Check out her page here to see what she thought…

When I first started writing Angst, I had a certain book cover in mind.  It was a piece of artwork, something I had created in college when I was at my lowest point.  The piece itself didn’t actually work exactly for my novel but I decided to redo it with my novel in mind.  So I spent quite a bit of time recreating this piece of artwork that had been like therapy for me at the time of my breakdown.  It was a revisiting of black charcoal, a revisiting of those feelings.

I didn’t end up including the art in my final novel, although I did play around with the idea of inserting it as a picture in the ebook.  However, in the end I took it out.  But I thought maybe I’d share it here with you.  This was my abstract Angst, my therapy, my biz-art as my parents used to call it.  Art had always been a good way for me to release how I was feeling.  And I liked things that were strange, strange faces, strange, deep emotions.  I wanted to express myself.  Writing has actually taken over more these days than art.  I think for some reason I feel less inhibited with words than I do with drawing.  Lately though, I feel stifled, I feel like I can’t create freely without criticizing my own work.  The judgements start as soon as I put pen/pencil/charcoal to paper.  Although I did create a painting for my wedding that came out quite good.  But it depends on what the art is for.  If it’s about recreating something, or seeing something in front of me, like a still life I can go to town. If it’s coming from my brain or my emotions, that’s another matter and I always seem to freeze up.

I want to create but the white page is scary.  I’ve heard that quote somewhere, that the white page/blank slate is the scariest place for an artist to be and I completely agree.  It’s the same with the idea of starting a new book.  The white page, the blinking cursor is scary.  It feels like there is all this pressure to create something amazing or that since you’ve done it before it should be easier.  And eventually you do get past the hump and I think often times you can outdo yourself and come up with something that is better than whatever has come before, but starting the process and stopping the criticism is the first step.  You have to free your mind, just let the words flow, the paint flow, and something will emerge.  This is advice I need to take for myself.  It’s okay to just let it happen, to not control, to not expect perfection the very first time.  Because if you expect perfection, you will never achieve anything.

I’ve actually started writing a bit on my second novel about Victoria.  I have to keep reminding myself to write what I know.  Write the parts that are there now and the rest will follow.  We’ll see…