Sarcasm Central

Bringing the Sexy to Crazy Since ’99

In honor of my book going on a crazy drunk reeling rock star book blog tour… and the fact that I’m featuring 4 sexy-awesome bonus scenes during this tour, I’m gonna give you some thoughts on writing about something near and dear to all of your hearts or other parts of your anatomy…yes, that’s right…SEX!!

So I made up my own personal tagline that I think accurately describes some of what I do in my writing.  Sexy and Crazy.  I’ve been bringing sexy to crazy since ‘99. Haa.

angst blog tourI’ve been thinking about this because now that I’m writing more than ever before (including my next book which is very high on the damn-sexy quotient), I’m gaining even more confidence and so…I’ve tackled with vim and vigor (ha) what could be considered the hardest stuff to write…sex scenes!  And writing about sex is fun.Actually, I take that back, writing about sex is boring. (Can you believe I wrote that?!)  Writing about what happens just before sex…very exciting! The tension! The emotion!  The teasing!

I like my characters to be either confident or unsure.  Unsure and confused can be fun because of the miscommunication and wrong assumptions. I don’t know about you, but in my younger years there were lots of instances of bad/stupid/wrong assumptions all over the place in pretty much every guy/girl encounter I had. Both me and the guy were wrong and unsure.

Here’s the guy:

“I like you, but I’m not going to say so or act like I do or I’m gonna send ridiculous mixed messages that you’ll never decode, even with your secret decoder vagina.”

And here’s the girl:

“I like you guy, but I’m not willing to expose myself because what if you reject me and leave me a miserable insecure body hating slut?  I’m just going to tease you until your penis falls off or until I can figure out what the hell you feel.  Why isn’t my secret decoder vagina working?  Shit is broken!”

As you can imagine this can lead to lots of fun “conversations” between characters.  The other thing that is fun is confidence.  One of my latest sexy scene involves a girl who’s confident.  She goes after what she wants.  I’m calling her a “man-eater.”  In fact she teases too.

Ah the life of a tease.  I used to be a tease because being sexy and wanted is fun but I didn’t always want to take it all the way.  Thing is…being had sometimes isn’t as fun as the high you get from knowing that someone desires you but can’t have you.  Besides if you give it up…you have no more bargaining chips to play poker with.  Poke-her

Here’s the girl:

“I’m gonna dance sexy, give you a lap dance, hell maybe even a strip tease because I really like you, however when you try to have sex with me I’m gonna slap you down because you refuse to tell me how you ‘really’ feel!”

Here’s the guy:

“Oh my god this girl is hotttt…I need to bed down with her ASAP.  Wait…she won’t put out?  Teasing Bitch!  I’ll find someone who will!”

Sorry guys, there’s just something about being desired and not giving in.  This can fuel some exciting things in writing too.  Leave them wanting more!

This doesn’t always work though.  If you leave them wanting more too often, they leave for good and find someone who will give it up.  Opps.  Lesson learned.  Sometimes you have to give up the goods, both in writing and in the bedroom. 😉

Just don’t let those assholes get what they want and then drop your ass like a hot coal.  Play it cool my friends.  Play that shit cool. 😉

Other Related Shiznit:

A Smexy Guest Post (His Hazardous Eyes)

A Tour of My Crazy Brain, Getcher Tickets

Give Me Realism Girls or Give Me Death!

About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

11 Comments on Bringing the Sexy to Crazy Since ’99

  1. Secret decoder vagina is my new favourite phrase. I hope you don’t mind if I use it in conversation. 🙂


    • Not a problem! I’m not sure how this crazy stuff just magically pops into my head. Literally that one just wrote itself. Haaa…I can imagine some good conversations where that one might get used. You might have to write a blog post about it and let me know how it works out! 🙂


  2. the real olive // June 16, 2013 at 11:30 pm // Reply

    Seriously…I don’t know if I HAVE a secret decoder vagina, broken or not lol…you’re kickass.


    • Sure you do! But don’t worry, the whole lot is defective. Maybe they’ll get it right eventually…but for now, we’re in the dark. It’s sad when you were promised things and they didn’t deliver. I’m not sure who “they” are. I just know we got taken!


  3. Oh my gosh, I SO needed to read this entry from you today! I’m not even kidding.

    I’ve been having some issues with my new WIP – mainly these . . . uhm . . . sexy-type-scenes? I’ve been stressing out about it like crazy. Reading this was kind of a kick in the ass reminder that – MAYBE – if I stopped taking everything so seriously (including that), it might not be so bad. Who knows? Might actually enjoy it instead of adding to my gray hairs! hahaha

    So thanks. 😀


    • Sex scenes are definitely tricky! I’ve learned through reading that all you really need to do is describe. Just tell us what’s going on. That’s it! Sounds so easy right? But it isn’t always so. I find it’s hard to find the right language to use with sex scenes. You don’t want it to be cheesy! haha.


      • Oh yes, definitely tricky. I usually just cut them off when they reach a certain point (YA, and all). But now that I’m doing an adult novel, I’m like, ” . . . Yeaaaaaah, this ain’t gonna work no more.”

        You might get a kick out of this, or you might just think I’m an idiot (which some people get a kick out of other people’s idiocy, so hey, whatever works).
        I did some “research” the other day. By research, I mean I downloaded some of THOSE books. Mostly I just wanted to see if that kind of stuff in books was as bad as I thought it would be.
        Needless to say, my eyes were like this – O.o
        I took a picture.

        Well, I know I sure don’t, at least.
        I was crying from laughing so hard. Had to call my friend and tell her all about it. And then SHE brought up the guidance counselor in 10 Things I Hate About You. Do you remember that?


        • OMG! I’ve been thinking about doing that too because I have never read any of “those” books either! I have a feeling there is definitely some cheese in those…and some poor writing too. If the writing is poor, I’m turned off right away. I downloaded a free book the other day and the writing was just…not good and I stopped reading. Now I’m curious..I want to read this stuff too! Market research, ya know! And people eat it up! you know they do!


      • It was definitely an . . . eye-opening experience, to say the very least. haha

        FULL of cheese (and other less pleasant things, like those ridiculous, unused-in-real-life words, which I would compare to . . . Brussels sprouts [I mean – they’re mini cabbages. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST CALL THEM MINI CABBAGES!?]). Sorry about that. Maybe you got where I was going with it. Or possibly not. Actually, if I’m really thinking about it, I should reverse that. Never mind. I’m going to stop talking about cabbage and just hope that you get what I didn’t say, but was trying to.

        I think I’ve given up on the whole ‘reading’ bit. But it made me realize that, Hey, I might not be comfortable writing that kind of stuff, and I might not even be good at it . . . but I could do a HELL of a lot better than what I read the other day. So I guess it helped, in its way. lol

        And yes, people eat that stuff up. I’m still trying to figure out WHY . . .


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