Sarcasm Central

9 Lies They Told You About Being an Author

Not sure who they is, but dammit THEY lied to you!!  Are you up in arms yet?  Read on! (P.S. I kinda riffed from my last post to create this post (I plagiarized myself!!) so don’t hate on me!!)

1.     Authors have thick skin.  FALSE!!  Authors are just like any other person, the difference is that an author has made a decision to try to share a piece of themselves publicly.  And trust me when I say that everyone is a critic.  What other jobs in the world offer you up for very public, very mean humiliation from strangers on something that is very near and dear to your heart?  Not many, my friends.  Not many. So put on your boxing gloves and prepare to not use them while you let yourself get kicked around the interwebs!!  GOOD TIMES!!!

2.    All Authors Are Created Equal.  FALSE!!  Everyone is at a different spot on their writing journey.  Some have been writing seriously for years and years and have a solid handle on their voice, others are newer but have spent the time to learn how to write and still others are so brand new that they probably shouldn’t publish anything at all.  The truth is there are also 2 kinds of authors.  There are those that are serious about their craft and there are those that want to make a buck because they think writing is easy.

3.    Writing a novel is the easiest job in the world or All you need to be a writer is a computer and fingers for typing.  FALSE!!  A big false on this one. There is nothing about writing that is easy, right from the beginning. Being a writer, then an author who decides to pursue public humiliation and or public accolades depending on the whim of your audience is a very very hard thing to do.  It takes some cahones all the way through to pursue it.  If it’s easy, you’re doing it wrong!!!  Take that as a lesson.  If it’s easy, don’t do it at all.

4.    Authors are a brand.  UNDECIDED. Ok, so we’re supposed to be a brand, but I really don’t feel like a brand like Nike or Papermate.  A brand infers that we have no feelings or that we are somehow removed from our product.  It would infer that it’s okay to shit on us as you would a big corporation. But I don’t think that’s the case at all!  Authors are intimately involved with every aspect of their work and we make conscious decisions about every step of the process, every word of the story, every plot line etc.  I think the name Brand sounds cold!  I would much rather just be an Author.  It sounds pretty nice doesn’t it?

5.    Authors HATE criticism.  FALSE!!  We certainly don’t hate criticism.  In fact much of what could be criticized about our books is something we’ve already criticized or stressed over ourselves. For me it was making a conscious decision to tell my story in a non-linear fashion.  It drives people crazy!  Was it the wrong decision?  I’m still not sure.  Authors do like constructive criticism because it can teach us a lesson or inform us what people are looking for when they read a story.  It can help us learn or reaffirm that something we did was right or wrong.  As an author, I don’t hate criticism, what I am afraid of is the pendulum swinging all the way to the negative in all my reviews.  But to have some negative and some positive reviews is actually a good thing.  It’s the law of odds, you’re bound to have a nice spread. If you don’t, something must be wrong!

6.    Authors never have doubts.  FALSE!!  A BIG 10-4 FALSE on this one. I have doubts all the time and I’m sure other authors do too.  Did you write the wrong story?  Did you write it the wrong way?  Did you make the right choice with this or that?  And you know what, the truth is sometimes you want to just fold everything up, your novel, your blog, your FB page, your twitter feed and hide it away inside you where no one can ever hurt you again.  I’ve thought this on several occasions.  I’ve also thought, what the hell have I done?  Have I made a huge mistake in publishing this book at all?  Am I a failure?  It’s really quite a journey of self-doubt and I’m sure it’s the same with every single book you put out.  I’m not sure it ever gets easier.  But maybe you do grow a tougher skin eventually.  I haven’t been around long enough to tell!

7.    Authors are conceited and full of themselves.  This is FALSE!!  I think authors might just be the most self-conscious, unsure, plagued by mental conditions group of people on the planet!  I speak from personal experience of course!  I’m not confident, not at all.  I stress, get upset, and examine myself critically all the time.  Am I good enough?  Can I write?  Now are there some authors out there who are full of themselves? I’m sure there are!  I just don’t know any personally.

8.    Authors are Loners.  This one is actually kind of true.  We do spend a lot of time in our own heads creating our worlds. However, we also need human interaction.  So having some writerly friends or people to talk to is essential.  I know I have an AMAZING FREAKING AWESOME support group of people I’ve met and am now friends with who support me when I’m having a terrible day or when I feel unsure or down. I don’t think I could do this without them.  PROPS people!!  I love you!!!  You know who you are! YOU DA BEST!!!

9.  Authors are Liars!  FALSE!!!  Well..sort of true and false.  We don’t lie outright, we make things up.  But underneath all the make believe there is usually some truth there, true feelings and emotions or a grain of truth that we embellished into outright pathological lies.  ——>>>>>>

So when it comes right down to it, I’ve lied to you!  I DID!!  I told you 9 lies and I really only gave you 6.5.  They is actually ME!!!  I apologize! Mwahahaha…no I don’t because I plagiarized this post!!! FROM MYSELF.  Also I had to stop myself because I could have come up with so many more points…but there had to be a cut off somewhere!!  Give me some more in the comments!!

Related Stuff and Things like Stuff and some other Stuff:

How to Become a Self Published Author in 101 Easy (Hard) Steps
How “I” Knocked my Own Socks Off


About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

13 Comments on 9 Lies They Told You About Being an Author

  1. Dixie's Ranter // June 27, 2013 at 11:54 pm // Reply

    Very, very true! VERY TRUE! Did I mention that this article is very true? Especially #7. That one is the most true, and it’s the one most people have such misconstrued ideas about. I can tell you that #1- authors do seem to have a lot of mental issues (LOL) but mostly anxiety. At least 3/4’s of the authors I’ve connected with have an anxiety-related issue. #2- You are SOOOO right about the whole self-doubt thing. I’ve written four novels and have 12 titles out, and each time I sit there with my mouse hovering over the ‘publish’ button for I can’t tell you how long because I keep thinking about the what ifs. What if I missed a typo? What if this book isn’t as good as I thought it was? What if it’s too graphic? What if it’s not graphic enough? What if they hate it? What if this is the one that’ll make me a small success? What if..what if…what if… haha. Awesome article Victoria 😉


    • Thanks for stopping by Chelsea! I owe you an email! I’ll get to that soon. Been so busy lately. You and me both!! Haa…and interesting that so many authors have anxiety issues. Maybe it prompts us to write?


      • Dixie's Ranter // July 3, 2013 at 2:35 am // Reply

        Thanks for having me! No worries with the email. Take your time! It is interesting,isn’t it? Perhaps it does prompt us to write. Perhaps the fact that we have such active imaginations and dwell so deeply inside of so-called imaginary worlds prompts us to do both? You know,have panic attacks/anxiety disorders, and be awesome writers? Who really knows?


  2. Good points, all, but I think this might be better entitled “MISCONCEPTIONS” about authors, as I have been writing for at least 16 years now and in all my researching and self-learning and writing of fanfiction, no one from the “inside” ever told me any of the above! 😉 However, I have seen some of these “lies” perpetrated by NON-authors who have these misconceptions about what it means to be a writer or author, and then I have seen authors explaining to those people how they are wrong, just like you did here! But, honestly, I’ve only ever listened to people who have actually had experience writing and publishing and selling their work, and they know all of these things are not true, so I’ve never thought any of these were true at any point in time myself, lol. But maybe that just makes me lucky! Lol.


    • I agree Misconceptions is definitely a good title for this..but being dramatic me..I liked LIES better cause it sounds like someone took advantage of you! hahaha. and yes, I believe some non-authors think this stuff and even…some newbie authors too.


  3. If you WERE ever told these things by people claiming to give you writing advice or claiming to know anything about writing, I’d say it’s high time you found some new writing coaches!!! 😛 (And that goes for anyone else out there who is being told these things, too!) Find positive, supportive fellow writers to surround yourself with, people who know the real-deal, and follow career authors on blogs and websites and magazines – all of whom will tell you the honest truth about being an author – it’s really f-ing hard!!!! 😉


    • HA! No, don’t worry, I made this up about people who don’t know anything about writing a novel and think it’s easy. Some of them are even thoughts I had myself before I really learned more about writing. I would hope someone who is already in the biz would know better than to spout these kinds of things! haha.


  4. saiditomyself // June 28, 2013 at 6:43 am // Reply

    Reblogged this on The Pigeon Blog and commented:
    I’m still in the early stages of everything I want to do, but this?? I like


  5. Dead-on on all points, except No. 7. You’ve never read an interview with James Patterson, have you?


  6. All very true! I’ve found on the criticism front that I never mind true criticism (given politely of course). Without honest criticism, I can never improve. The criticism that hurts me and drives me crazy is when someone is being negative just for the sake of it (Thanks, Anonymous), or one that doesn’t offer anything that I can correct.


    • I agree, polite criticism is definitely food for thought and I like hearing it. But yeah…the ones that don’t explain much or do so in a snarky, mean way are less appealing!


  7. Anyways just dropping you a note to let you know I finished your book! Fantastic! If you want to read my review it is at my books and reading dot blogspot dot ca dated Aug 16, 2013.



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