I’m at a loss for what to write about next. I have several drafts sitting here that I’m not sure I should post and I’m still kind of decompressing after surgery last week. I’m not sure what people want to hear. Generally the positive helpful posts are much better received than the down and out depressed or real posts. As sad as this seems to me, this appears to be true. But I’m not always happy. I’m not always optimistic. In fact, often I’m not optimistic at all.
I’m not sure if I should post about how surgery went? Or post something controversial (maybe) that I have in drafts. Or post about something else entirely. And FYI, I’m not checking up on Angst at all. Hopefully things are going well for it out there in the big bad world, although I seriously doubt it (honestly without my help, I fear it will languish! I was the pusher and now I’ve stopped….so who knows?!). Either way, I’m kind of uninterested. I’m boring…at the moment. I’m still healing and coming back to life. I’m still learning to be me again and remembering the things that me loves to do. I haven’t written anything. I haven’t even convinced myself to open the file on my computer and take a look at my WIP. I know I should because that would actually get me started, but since I can’t seem to inspire myself to even do that much I’m not getting too far.
I started to write a poem today but I lost steam because it’s a lot of work to get a poem ready to publish. More so than a regular post. I’m just tired.
And if you were wondering, surgery went fine and I do have Endometriosis. At least it’s been confirmed in my mind that it’s what I’ve been dealing with for the past 2 years. I might even want to post something about anxiety and Endo. Now that I’m dealing with both, life is a bit different. Anxiety still rules the roost though and my life. The other thing plaguing my mind is whether someone who suffers from a mental illness that debilitates their daily activities should have children at all. Can that person be a good caregiver to another human? Is it selfish to decide that you need to focus on you and not on someone else? And if you make the kind of drastic huge decision will you regret it later in life? All big life stuff and none with good answers. I’d be curious to hear what others with mental health issues have to say about taking on additional diagnoses that stress their first or about the reproduction question.
Help? This is taking honesty to a whole new level…even for me. Some things I’m not sure I should share….but I’m an over-sharer by nature, so…there ya go.