So you’ve heard my woes, here and here, about my meds causing me to suffer the agony of a life without creativity and without…gasp…sleep. Yes, it was hell. I know, the kinds of problems I have…pathetic. You also heard my woes damning anxiety absolutely to hell and back again because it was driving me up a wall and not allowing me to see myself in a certain career. But today, folks, I am a rockstar. I am queen freaking B! (I have Royals stuck in my head by Lorde. God I love that girl’s voice!).
Why, might you ask, is a person who was so down in the dumps, depressed, on meds and afraid of tackling the career she wanted suddenly killing it at life? You might ask, you just might and maybe I’ll tell.
How bad do you want it?
Pretty bad, right? (God how I want to use the word freaking all the time. It’s an attempt to not use fuck. But it fails and then I use it too much.)
Admit you want it! I’m as bad as Robin Thicke, assuming to know what you want! Yes, Robin, yes, I want it. Bad! How did you know?
So since you do want it and since I’m a pushover, otherwise known of as an emotional spewer who can’t hold back even if I wanted to, I’ll tell you. I know it doesn’t feel like you won a battle since you knew I’d give it up anyway. I digress.
So for the past few weeks I have been feeling BRAVE. You heard it here first, not in some trashy gossip mag. I applied for that freaking job. I talked to the gal currently in the job, I talked to others at my past job, I NETWORKED. And then…ye Gods, I got an email about an interview. HUZZAH!!
So, my interview is tomorrow. And yes, parts of the job make me nervous, but I’m looking at it as a challenge, as a way to expand what I’m comfortable with and I feel…positive. Me, I know…I never feel positive!
I’m actually feeling…strong, confident, like a rockstar! I can do this! I will do my best tomorrow and hopefully they will offer me the position. Listen world, DO NOT make me get back on the blog next week or the week after and tell you all that I didn’t get the job. The condemnation will be so harsh, World. I’m warning you. Check yourself, before you wreck yourself. Maybe I should be begging the universe instead? BTW, do you think I’m cursing myself to failure by just typing this blog post??? I hope not cause I’m doing it anyway!!!
What will be, will be, bitches!! Wish me luck!! I love feeling brave! Oh and yes, I’m still on the meds, the 1/2 dose and I’ve been able to sleep and feel mildly creative. The mildly creative part kind of sucks, but the brave, strong, screw you anxiety mind set that I’m currently entertaining is so freaking awesome that I am above caring. I’m entertaining that mind set so well that I’m serving champagne and I even handed out those annoying noise makers people use at New Year’s. I’m a good host when the best mind sets come to visit!
P.S. Even though I haven’t given a thought or even looked at my WIP lately, I did have a photo shoot for the cover and it came out AWESOME!! If you’re lucky, or maybe if you want it bad enough (every time you wish on a star, a writer gets a kick in the pants) I might share a bit more about the shoot (photo teaser?? Ummm..yessss!!) and about my WIP. I need to get my ass in gear, so please, I beg you, wish on a star so I get booted hard!!