Sarcasm Central

What Kind of Strange Godforsaken Place is This?

So, if you’re new to this site, like an intrepid (love this word) space traveler who has stumbled upon a strange and clearly godforsaken (also love this word) alien world, you might begin to ask yourself, what the hell kind of place is this?  What does it mean!  By god, Captain Kirk, where are we???!!!  Readers, you are not in Kansas anymore.

When you stumble upon this barren wasteland, like a traveler far from home, alone, scared and yet somehow curious, you may begin to see signs and clues as to the malicious or otherwise intent of this blog.  (Definitely malicious, like malware)  First off, the name of this site is Angst.  What the hell is that about?  To add to your confusion and bewilderment, the site is designed with photos of some chick who looks kind of strung out and depressed.  Is this really the kind of place you’d like to tool around in for a while with your white wine and flip flops?  Or should you, as your gut is telling you, run away as fast as your mouse clicking fingers can go?

Well, luckily your intrepid (INTREPID!) tour guide is here to dispel your fears with some blatant truths that may or may not be apparent from the outside looking down Alice’s rabbit hole.

Yes, this barren wasteland of “thoughts” is called Angst.

“Is it filled with suffering, anxiety, fright and terror?” you ask.

Answer:  “Stop cowering!”

Now, sort of.  But only if you marry that suffering, anxiety, fright and terror (in a polygamous marriage) to humor, sarcasm and witty repartee (okay, a group wedding).  This site does indeed tackle the big problems, like therapy, anxiety, big life questions and even small ones, like why does my cat bite the shit out of me all the time.  But truthfully, that question has no answer.  So that blog post won’t help you much other than commiserate with you about kitten love bites.

I know the design of the site would lead one to believe that this place is “cool” and or “badass”  and those assumptions would be par for the course.  This place is badass.  Mostly because those that are batshit crazy and or a hot mess are truly cool.  (Hearing that word reminds me of that guy at the narcotics convention in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas who says something like, once the drug addict realizes that he is coooool….”).  You’ll learn that digression, tangents and random babbling that is rather flow of thought is common here.  As I wrote in a previous blog post, coherence be damned!

You’ll also learn that I do just a bit of swearing.  Small.  A very small dainty amount of swearing.  Not at all like a trucker or potty mouthed teenager.  Nothing like that.  I don’t want to shock your sensibilities, but alas, I must.  It’s in my contract.

You may notice as you carefully browse this self-detonating site, that the titles for each post are quite frankly ludicrous in every sense of the word.  They are…dare I say, random.  Very very random.  However, they also bring joy to certain people, like me.

Here are a few examples of crazy-ass blog post titles:

Wife Competitions of Which We are Unaware

A Case of the “Uglies” with Mincing and Ogling

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, These Flowers are Dying and So Are You

The Inner Critics in the Crime Family

Dammit Write a Blog Post!!

Crazy Hot Mess = Versatile

We Were Cutting Through Time and Space with Our Cheekbones

See how curious these titles are (curiouser and curiouser!)  Don’t you want to click on them?  You do, I know you do.  Give in to TEMPTATION!!  Lose your INHABITIONS!!  I swear that your computer will not break or get worms.  “Does your Computer have Worms?”

You should be the curious scientist and study this new form of life.  Who knows what new species you have encountered!  It’s SO EXCITING!!!!!  Yeeeeeeee!!!!!!!  You, the intrepid explorer of foreign wastelands in the outer reaches of deep dark cold space, could actually discover the first signs of alien life.  How fun!  (Can you tell I’ve been reading 2001:  A Space Odyssey?  I have space on the brain!!  And Monoliths.  MONOLITHS!!!)

Now, I’ll get serious. IS THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE????

I’m trying to figure out what my blog offers you as the consumer or customer.  What kind of “goods” am I selling and are those “goods” and or “services” palatable?  Do they flow down smooth like an ice cold beer or do you choke on them like inhaling Cheetos dust?  It’s good…but it’s also quite…bad.  Hmmm…

Some blogs will offer you things like, how to get more blog followers or how to become a better writer or how to self-publish.  That’s all good stuff and appealing to many different people.

Some blogs offer personal stories on whatever the blogger is passionate about.  Say fighting a disease, or reading books or techy stuff.  Others offer resources or knowledge on a particular subject (same day different wording).

All good.  Very good.  And…predictable and easy to understand.  Palatable.  However, very tame and not at all crazy or weird or unfathomable in a silly way.  Not at all alien or vast or a bombed out wasteland of crazy.

Now what the hell am I doing here?

I ask myself that same question all the time.  What are my “goods” or “services”?  What the hell am I trying to do?  What am I peddling to the good folk of Interweb City?  Will said good townspeople like what I’m offering?  Mostly, I’m thinking no (mean old townspeople! I’m not a witch!).

My goods and services are far too wordy and strange and irrational and weird and childish…I could go on, but that would make this blog post THAT much longer and I know the citizens of the World Wide Web Town would not appreciate that.  They may attempt to storm the stronghold and take down their despotic leader and I cannot obviously have that.  Despotic leaders are very jealous.

I’m not offering (much) advice on writing, or self-publishing or techy stuff or reading.  I’m basically taking up space.  Right?

WRONG!!

So make your accusations!  Tell me, this blog, Angst, is ALL over the place! It’s wild and crazy and sometimes serious, it’s NUTS.  What the hell kind of place is this?

Well…this place is…freedom baby.  No boxes, no rigid categories, no themes, just whatever the hell rolls out of my crazy ass head and onto the digital page!  Yes, an alien world that I’ve customized for ME!!  Because, truth be told, I’m the GOD of this world and I oversee all of my creation with a benevolent eye.  I am a goddess of MERCY!!  Or CRAZY.  You choose.  I can write poetry, I can write rants, I can just blather right on.  I’ve created a digital utopia which eventually will house my CONSCIOUSNESS!!  WHOAAAA!!!!  Will you join my commune? No dues, but nudity may eventually be required.  HA!

Basically…when I truly think about it, this blog offers you… gloriously special entertainment.  Or as Peterman would say from Seinfeld:  Interesting Writing ELAINE!!! That’s it.

And maybe a bit of advice/knowledge about mental health issues or beauty or cats or husbands or exercise or losing your will to write or writing a novel or publishing it or whatever.  And maybe a bit of the cray cray.  And a little seriousness or a few jokes about writing and artistic expression.

I can’t define it.  I won’t define it.  This world’s constitution says that every man shall be free to bear WORDS with ease and swear words particularly as they are considered sacred here.  And by Man, I mean ME!!  A WO-MAN.

I guess maybe I’d get more followers if I was a “helpful” blog and I do feel a little guilty about not helping anyone with their problems or questions.  Do you hate me for it?  Am I self-interested?  Am I a selfish bastard?  Do you wish I would offer you 10 ways to de-grease your oven?  Or 15 ways to get that nasty hair out of your clogged drain?  Well…you’ve come to the wrong place Missy!  or Mister!!

I hope you can accept me and my blog for what we are.  We just want to make you laugh or think or wonder or be in awe at our ability to abandon all sense of decency and normalism.

We (me and my phone operators) won’t sell you anything other than crazy writing that drops you kicking and struggling inside the writers head.  That’s all it is.  Take a trip into my head, like a mini-vacation and then leave and feel glad that it’s not your head. Haha. Cause I’m a different person every single day, with themes running through my life.  We all are.

Ain’t that the truth.  So I’m gonna represent…all the star sides of me.

Love ya!

Victoria and Angst, the Blog (which is a world unto itself with its own sun and laws of physics) oh and math.  We’ve got math.  Mostly pizza math. or strange math where camping + drinking = awesome.  Or where this seems to be true.  But as you know not everything is as it seems.

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About Victoria Sawyer (282 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, aspiring graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

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