Sarcasm Central

You Big Gorgeous Sexy Unfathomable Universe You!

The universe is dead sexy.  Did you know? I’ve been obsessed with it lately and have been learning a lot about the latest discoveries and theories.  So I’m going to walk you through the sexiness and vastness of space in this post.  And I’m going to prove to you that aliens are real.  They are and they probed me.  Yup.  You read it here.

So space is the coolest, most fascinating place ever.  It’s truly HUGE.  Like…epically huge and we’ve barely even scratched the surface of what the hell is going on out there.  Also space is ridiculously beautiful as well and terrifying.  We’re just these little itty-bitty beings in this very large and in charge place.  It makes me want to hide under a desk and never come out.  Or hug the earth, like really wrap my arms around her and say…I love you sooo much, don’t leave me!  I need you!!  Space is huge and scary! (I can be very clingy to those that I love and need, like for survival.)

What I really want to tell you about is exoplanets.  Exoplanets are planets that space-enthusiasts are looking for and are actually finding.  They are planets that could sustain life and are in the Goldilocks zone around a star.  Meaning, they are not too cold, not too hot, but jussssstttt right.  The funny thing about our search is that we’ve just barely started and we can only see stars and planets that are pretty close to us.

Take this photo for example:

Milky Way Galaxy

Photo credit: (click on the photo to visit the site)

So in the photo above you can see where we are currently searching and it ain’t nothing compared to the vastness of the Milky Way Galaxy that we live within.  So, for example, assuming there are billions of stars in our galaxy and around a lot of those stars are planets and in many of them there are planets that are within the sweet spot for life, how many freaking planets like earth could exist in our own galaxy?  I’m gonna just throw out a random number since I suck at math. Let’s say a million planets like earth.  A MILLION!!!  I can’t even fathom all the zerosssss!!!

Do you know what that means!!?  The likelihood that there is life somewhere in our galaxy is probably pretty good.  We can’t possibly be the only life sustaining planet in the Milky Way.  The odds are just too high that there would be another planet out there.

So…why haven’t we heard from any aliens? (Aliens is such the wrong word because when I was younger I was terrified of aliens and alien abduction.  We need to stop assuming they are weird little green men!  They could be anything!!)  Why does it seem as though we are all alone?  Good question, new space enthusiast!  If you think about it…whenever we look into space we are looking into the past.  That’s how the speed of light works.  When we look at stars in the Milky Way, we are seeing light that has been traveling toward us for a very long time.  It’s basically time travel.  Crazy, right?

So if we found a planet that could have life on it, we might not know because we may be looking at that planet millions of years ago!  We have no idea what that planet might look like right now!  The same thing with other planets looking at us.  They are so far away that when they look at us, they would be looking back in time.  Maybe they’d be seeing the dinosaurs and not us!

And even if we could see a planet that far away (which we really can’t at the moment) how the hell would we ever get there?!!!  We’re talking ASTRONOMICAL distances.  Hence the word astronomical!!!  Like it would take generations to travel somewhere that far and that’s only if we could come up with a way to do so.  We only live a measley 100 or so years and that’s nothing at all to the Universe.  Her sneezes are longer than our lifetimes.  She’s a grand old Dame that old classy Universe-broad with all her glittering diamonds.  She’s a showoff, FYI.

Ok, but now I’m really going to explode your mind like the big bang theory did space and time.  Take a look at this photo:

Photo of galaxies in spaceI got this photo from Slate’s Bad Astronomy blog, here (go there to see the full sized image). This post…exploded my brains.  I was like…whaaaa!!  So of course, I wanted to pass on the favor to you!!  I want your head to combust!

Ok, take a good look at the photo above.  Look CLOSELY!!  Ok, so….that photo shows just a tiny fraction of space.  And all those little lights that you think are stars…nope, those are entire GALAXIES!!!  HOLY WHAT!!!!  Yes, there are tons of galaxies in just this one photo and did you notice how HUGE the Milky Way galaxy was in the photo above compared to little old us?

Now, remember my terrible math from above where I said there might be like 1 million planets that could sustain life in our galaxy?  Now….imagine that there are a million planets that could sustain life in each of the galaxies above.  Now imagine that that photo is just the teeny-tiniest part of the entire universe.  HOLY SHIT!!!!  That’s a shit ton of potential life in the universe.  My friends, I have just proven to you that alien life DOES EXIST!!  It really does!

And out of all those weird planets and galaxies, there’s probably some pretty strange shit.  Have you seen some of the things that live on our own planet under the ocean?  Yeah…there’s crazy shit like that everywhere in our universe.  All kinds, types, etc.  And you know what, there are probably some beings that look kind of like us too, that might even breathe the same kind of air.  They might have a different length for a year, depending on how long it takes their planet to circle their star.  They might have a different length day as well, depending on their rotation.  Shit, they might have different gravity as well, meaning more or less than we do.

It’s just….wow.  WOW!!!  It makes me feel so insignificant!  It also makes me realize how important the earth is to our survival.  We need this place!  Maybe someday we’ll find a way to travel to these other places and that would be very cool, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

I like to just sit and imagine all these other places in different galaxies.  Maybe there’s another life form just like me out there, wondering the same thing!  Maybe there’s tons in each and every galaxy.  We’ll probably never know.  I sometimes wonder if that is the point of the Universe, to make life forms question what the hell is going on!  It’s this huge puzzle.  And I know there’s much that we can discover, but can we discover it all?  Maybe we’re not meant to meet these other life forms.  I don’t know.  It’s pretty crazy.  It makes all my little life concerns seem to foolish and small because there’s this grand epic huge cosmic shit happening right at our doorstep!  It’s all around us.  We’re freaking hanging in space in the midst of all this insanity!  And we hardly think about it!!!  God, I feel terribly exposed and naked!  HIDE ME!!!  AHHH!!!

If you want to read more about the gorg old universe with her ostentatious display of bling-bling, check out these fascinating links:

Slate:  Earth Sized Planet in the Habitable Zone

Slate:  When Will We Find Another Earth?

Slate:  Thousands of Weird Galaxies

Slate’s Bad Astronomy Blog

Also, FYI, I used a metric-shit-ton of exclamation points in this post.  Probably enough to detonate the entire world.  I do love them, but even for me this was excessive to the extreme.  Everytime you see one, just assume it’s my brain exploding into a thousand tiny micro-galaxies all teaming with weird extraterrestrial life!!  EEE!!!!! TTTT!!!!

About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

2 Comments on You Big Gorgeous Sexy Unfathomable Universe You!

  1. I agree. The universe is sexy.

    Wait wait wait. That sounded sooooo boring. Let’s try it again with exclamations:

    I agree!! The universe is sexy!!!

    I believe I just validated both points of your post :P….

    The universe is a magnificent thing and mindboggling. It hurts my brain to even think about it 🙂

    Great post!


    • haha…thank you for the exclamation points!! And yes, it hurts my head too to think about it too! Most of the time I don’t think about it, but once in a while I get obsessed with the Universe and start researching it and exploding my brain. Ahhh! And then I feel exposed and small.


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