Government Grammar is evil!!!
I don’t know if you know, but I’m an English major with an actual BA (Bad Ass)degree in English. Does that mean that I am certified to speak English you ask? Don’t be an asshole! (I am certified for that, BTW, but it’s not the only thing we English majors can do! So rude!) An English major means that I am certified by an actual university to MAKE or HANDLE (gently) dangerous words ( I have better clearance than people in a chemistry lab, this shiz is dangerous). Yup.
Before we move on into more pressing matters, let me just ask you this….why does Bad Ass mean cool? The two words separately mean very different things. Bad…could mean bad in a good or somehow sexy way (like Michael Jackson’s “Bad” He wants to be sexy bad, not bad bad), which is weird since bad…is the word BAD and its connotations are well…BAD and NEGATIVE.
Ass…well…there are several meanings for that word, such as donkey or a person who is…well…annoying or not too bright or something like that. Also it means your rear end. Truly, as you can see, my degree in English is a worthy one indeed, especially since this language we all speak, English, is fraught with danger, stupidity and pitfalls. A true professional is necessary to think through these difficult topics. Who better than moi?
Ok…so…how can two words mean so many different things and not only different things…but opposite things?? Like how is ASS cool?? Are donkeys cool? Are assholes cool? How is Bad…cool or awesome or good? How is Badass….soooo damn badass? I just don’t know. Badass to me is like biker cool or leather cool or sexy or daring or daredevil or dangerous.
English is a bunk language. It would be the most hated of all language’s children, if such a thing existed, because it’s the stupidest most confusing language ever. And lucky me, I have a degree IN IT!! How much more badass can I possibly be? And you people thought English majors were a bunch of sissy-pants and book worms!! Speaking of which…why does cool mean cool? Cool is like…less than cold, but definitely not warm or hot. I don’t get it. I might need a second degree to fully understand this elusive thing we call English.
Ok, back to the task at hand. I made words. I did! I feel like a child saying that I made potty or something like that. That’s how proud I am of making words. I want to scream: COME LOOK, I MADE WORDS!!! DON’T YOU DARE FLUSH!! ARE YOU PROUD OF MEEEE???!!
So the way in which I made words is that for one thing, I got this site a real official fancy URL!! WHOOP!! I am now http://www.angstanarchy.com! How cool is that!? How BADASS is it!! So I did my usual little thing when naming something and got out the handy-dandy synonym finder and went to town finding words. I love finding words! There are so many with nuanced meanings!
Even now after I’ve thrown out my rumpled paper filled with chicken scratchings of word options I feel sad! Bereft! I am already missing all those cool words. So…angst anarchy just sounded the best out of all the things I could come up with and all the URL’s that are actually available on the web. It’s dumb because angst.com is being held by someone for ransom. They want $40,000 for that URL. WHAT!!! What a crock of shit. HAHAHA…that makes me laugh. CROCK of shit. Crocks usually hold things like butter, in the olden days. But today I give you…CROCK OF SHIT!! Anyway…I digress as I usually do. Damn you angst.com and the person who is holding that lovely url for ransom and not even using it. Lame.
In case you were curious, the reason I picked anarchy and not something else is that the meaning, when I looked it up, sort of struck me as appropriate. Not the anti-Government meaning with a big G, but the small G meaning which is like…a place with no government. A place where no one tells me what to do! I can be disobedient, I can have no rules, I can be confused and disorderly! I am totally anarchy. Couple that with Angst, in all its glory and you really have something that describes this mad place! Angst is dread, anxiety and for me, it’s lighter more sarcastic cousins that poke fun at angst and make light. So…it all comes together….
So…after I made my new URL and got that shit finalized, I decided it was time for business cards. I desperately want to expand this here blog and actually share it with more people! So when I was making said cards, I decided to do a word collage on the backside that would describe what the hell I do here…and maybe describe me a bit too. It was pretty fun making up all those words! Well….in all honesty (I’m always honest with you guys even if I start out full of shit, give me some credit, jeesh) I didn’t actually “make” the words up. I sort of discovered them.
Yeah…I was mining for words. I am a word archaeologist. Except these words aren’t really extinct or anything like that, nor are they part of the fossil record. Their (this form of there means I think words are sentient beings) still in current use, they are…still alive, I guess. So…I suppose I didn’t dig all that hard, only the very surface. I am incredibly shallow. Afterall I do write a blog all about ME. Whatever, you guys are mean to me. You never let me get away with my grandiosities. (Also, despite my eloquent degreed status I can’t spell for shit, just FYI, it just appears I can because everyone helps me, like WordPress’ WYSIWYG. I have crutches.)
(Speaking of, have you ever watched Bill Burr? He’s pretty funny. He has this one bit about his girlfriend where she says in a little girl voice…”Found something I like” while they’re at the store and she wants him to buy it. So he says “So why don’t you fucking buy it?” The way he says it just kills me. The voices, everything. Anyway…I got reminded of that above because I didn’t dig all that hard. Weird connection. Random…what a good word choice for me….)
Anyway….So now I give you….WORDS!!!
I think my favorite words in this minuscule (sorry) image are “online socialite” which I totally am. Godsdammit, I’m sooo freaking high class online. Like a high class hooker!! Secondly I love punctuation abuser, because I am sooo guilty of that as you’ve probably noticed lately. I’m telling you, this free speech shit will not stand with the powers that be for long! Especially not free punctuation. Trust me…they want to take away your rights to punctuate however the hell you want! ANARCHY!! RESIST!! And me…. I’ve broken all the rules of proper “English Major” decorum. I am truly a badass English Major. I’m off book, out in the wild, making up rules, playing hookie, rogue agent, breaking bad, just totally riding my steel steed (the pen). HAHAHA. I amuse myself to a high degree.
Next I also enjoy Word Obsessed and Boozy (because why not describe yourself as boozy if you can. It just looks cool and blouzy and drunk and languid. I love it). Obviously I love saying I’m Caustic (like lye I will burn out your eyes, Goddamn!) and I’m erratic too. Totally all over the place! And Melodramatic cause I’m a soap star or a star of the stage (Remember how I starred in Failure the Musical?). And yes I am Absurd and a Hot Mess. Words are awesome. Look how I can describe myself with words that not only MEAN something, they also taste nice and skip off the tongue!
Welp, that’s about it. I dug up a few words from the landfill of the interwebs, shook off the styrofoam crumbs and earth worms and yes the landfill gasses and then graphic designed said generous words together onto the backside of a business card about this here foolish website. You know..I did miss a few….like Universeologist, or Existential meltdown-haver. But I couldn’t fit anything else on there. It was hard enough to cram that many words into such a small space. The meanings alone take up SO much more space. Especially with 6-10 meanings for each word (thank you English language). I’d need GIGS to deal with that problem. At least with biz cards we’re only dealing in 2-D. We don’t need no GIGS. Or JIGGAWATS. hahaha. Oh Doc Brown.
And finally, in closing this absurd, zealous, angst bomb post (I dug the word list out of the trash just for you): English is a dumb crummy ludicrous language. It’s pretty worthless, although also beautiful and descriptive, if you can figure out what the hell people are talking about. That is all. The great WordMaster has spoken.
Ahem…just want to point out how deftly I’ve handled a lot of dangerous words in this post. I didn’t even wear protective eye wear or gloves or hearing protection. I am super-word-woman.