Sarcasm Central

TFC’s 1st Anniversary Blog-Off Winner!

Angst Readers: I have won a contest because I wrote a post about my old Jalopy, so check it out on Too Funny Chicks. The best part is that my old Jalopy died right after writing said post. So…please go read the post first (below) and THEN come back and read the rest of the story here:

P.S. the sweetest thing about this post is that I wrote it a few weeks ago and LITERALLY 2 days after writing this, the Old Jalopy DIED!! I think maybe I cursed it with this post! Can you believe it?!!! So I was driving home from work and the Jalopy and I were traveling across an intersection when SUDDENLY and without WARNING of any kind, the Jalopy no longer was able to create forward motion. We were coasting together across a busy lane of traffic. We coasted right into park. The old Jalopy was making a terribly loud noise and no amount of pushing upon the pedals would create the forward motion so essential to Jalopys. Thank God we made it safely across the line of traffic whilst coasting.

Thus we were dead in the water. I.E. We were dead on the road and the Tranny in the Jalopy had officially decided that it no longer desired to go on living. I had to call a tow truck. And when the estimate came back from the garage, it was no longer feasible (in a monetary way) to keep the Jalopy on life support. Mr. VS and I had to decide to pull the plug and buy a new car, thus invoking a car PAYMENT.

CAR PAYMENTS are not thing you want to deal with. I had gone for so many years believing that cars are free or at least very close to free. And now suddenly I was looking online at cars for sale and realizing how Un-Free they are. They are extremely expensive. Mr. VS and I purchased a new vehicle. And thus our bank account is now smaller and we owe money during the month.

However, there is a golden lining (P.S.S. Mr VS is sooo jealous cause he still has an old jalopy that has not died! It has more MILES than my jalopy had! HAHA!!). The golden lining is that I now am one of those assholes with the auto-locks-windows-moon roof- etc. I am spoiled rotten and no longer suffering. I EVEN HAVE so many settings on my wipers for my rain experience that I don’t even know what to do! I EVEN HAVE a windshield wiper for the back window! THE LUXURY!! I don’t even know what to do. I’m stunned. I’m so much of an asshole now, it’s not even funny. Mr. VS holds hate inside his heart for me since I get to drive this new shiny vehicle to work every single day.

Truly my blog has the power of making all my dreams come true, if I complain enough. YEAH ANGST!! Also I am officially able to ALMOST be as lazy as I want to be. My dreams are truly coming true.

Too Funny Chicks

ellen on phone

 Oh, hey Ellen! Chick E and I would love to meet up with you and Chick P.

oprah on the phone

 What’s Up, O? Yeah, Chick E and I would love to meet for a drink!  

August 29th was 1 Year Anniversary!

Yay Us!

We’ve come a long way and have a long way to go still…

We have yet to receive any phone calls from Ellen or Oprah yet….

 We ran a Blog-Off Contest and out of ALL the entries, this was the one that made us laugh the most! 

Congrats to Miss Victoria Sawyer, you’ve won a shopping spree at!!

(You can spree all the way up until you reach $25)

Thanks for entering!!

And, without further adieu, here is the winning blog…

“My Old Jalopy Rant”

By Victoria Sawyer (Aka Chick V)

My car is super extra shitty.  I’ve had the beast for EIGHT YEARS!!  Yes…

View original post 995 more words

About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

4 Comments on TFC’s 1st Anniversary Blog-Off Winner!

  1. Amazing!! I also drove a jalopy (if you can still call it that if it was born in the 90’s) with all the same annoyances, lacking only a CD player. I hated/loved it because it was incredibly shitty, but was still alive after 300,000+ miles and many memories. (Even a few nights I had to sleep in it.) Now I drive a Honda with all the nonsense that comes with a new(ish) car, and even though it makes my life easier, I always feel like a dick being able to open multiple windows at once and locking all the doors from the key-press-thingy. Congrats on the award and may all your dreams continue to come true!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • HAHAHA. Yes, my dreams are certainly coming true. I know…I like how you say you feel like a dick for being able to open windows etc. Me too, I’m such a jerk now it’s not even funny. I can’t stand myself while I’m rolling in my sweet new car, adjusting the windows at a moments whim with a finger and clicking for the doors to unlock from several feet away. What an a-hole.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This post rules. “Mr. VS holds hate inside his heart for me since I get to drive this new shiny vehicle to work every single day.” Hahahahaha. Poor guy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • He truly does hold hate inside his heart. He’s so jealous. People at work told him, “so your wife gets to drive this new car and you got stuck with the payment.” It’s all true. Plus his car was having exhaust issues and was rolling loud, so he was all embarrassed and jealous. HA!! I love eliciting jealousy and hatred inside his heart. I mean I love him…but hey!


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