Sarcasm Central

Friday Mad Libs

From now on, or whenever the hell I remember, I’m going to present you with some Mad Libs.  Remember Mad Libs?  That shit was great.  I remember being in my bedroom on the corded phone with my best friend (it was the 90’s! yea!!), filling out Mad Libs and laughing uproariously.  Of course we’d make them super dirty, so of course they were wickedly funny.

When every noun you can think of is a body part, it’s bound to be disgusting and amazing.  Man…the adverbs would be gross too. I wish I still had them because I would no doubt still laugh my ass off (I’m still so juvenile, I could probably play with barbies and make them do the nasty)(who says I haven’t?).  BTW…I totally just bought some actual Mad Lib books on Amazon.  You can STILL get them.  In fact there are so many varietas it’s insane.

Ok, here’s how this shit is going to roll….first off, I’m going to make a Mad Lib for myself and then print it below with the words that need to be filled in.  If you want to play you can write down the words in parentheses (without reading the story! Damn you!) and then fill them in for a good laugh.  Be sure to use dirty words.  You can send them to me if you so desire and I’ll publish the funny ones as long as they’re not too obscene.  I’m good with obscene, but not too far.  Don’t cross the line!

MAD LIBS!!

First off here’s my first stab at creating a Mad Lib ( I’ll post my version with words filled in after) (Also, where I’ve indicated a – (dash)and either -ing or -s, it indicates the type of word you’re supposed to use, so a verb ending in -ing or -s.  Also if I’ve put a number next to the kind of word and you see that number again, it means repeat that same word.)

PLAY ALONG!!! YEE FUN!!!  OR skip to my rendition below…

Monica’s Night Out

Monica is (emotion – ed) to go to the (place 1) tonight to (Verb) and (verb). She’s been waiting all week to see her friends and (Verb).

She gets ready at home by (verb-ing) herself a shot of (Noun). She wants to be well primed for tonight’s (verb-ing) because she plans on bringing home a hot (noun 1) to her bedroom.

After a shower, she goes to her closet to pick out some (Adjective) clothes to wear. She picks out a (adjective) tank top, a (adjective) skirt, and a (adjective) (piece of clothing) that shows plenty of cleavage.

She (verb-s) on her make up, (verb-s) on mascara and (verb-s) her lips in the mirror. Next she sprays herself with (scent), puts on her (adjective) shoes and grabs her (adjective) purse.

After a final check in the mirror to be sure she’s looking (adjective). Monica takes a shot of (noun) and then texts her friends on her (noun) to let them know she’s ready. They come to pick her up in her friends (kind of car) and they head off to the (Place 1).

Monica knows she’ll have an (adjective) night. She’s already spotted a (noun 1) that looks just right for her. She (verb-s) over to the bar and orders a (noun). Already she’s shaking her (body part) to the music and is ready to (verb). The (Noun 1) she spotted is already (verb-ing) at her.

Tonight will be (adjective) she thinks!

My version of Monica’s Night Out

Monica is frazzled to go to the barnyard tonight to bleat and meow. She’s been waiting all week to see her friends and scoot.

She gets ready at home by slaying herself a shot of chocolate. She wants to be well primed for tonight’s spraying because she plans on bringing home a hot turtle to her bedroom.

After a shower, she goes to her closet to pick out some hideous clothes to wear. She picks out a boxy tank top, a busy skirt, and a stressed out sock that shows plenty of cleavage.

She jumps on her make up, shuffles on mascara and wiggles her lips in the mirror. Next she sprays herself with skunk, puts on her curly shoes and grabs her ugly purse.

After a final check in the mirror to be sure she’s looking bloated, Monica takes a shot of marker and then texts her friends on her clock to let them know she’s ready. They come to pick her up in her friend’s Dodge Stratus and they head off to the barnyard.

Monica knows she’ll have a swampy night. She’s already spotted a turtle that looks just right for her. She squeaks over to the bar and orders a feed bowl. Already she’s shaking her ears to the music and is ready to hump. The turtle she spotted is already drooling at her.

Tonight will be squishy, she thinks!

Ok, let’s go ONE MORE TIME!!  It’s too fun not to…. 🙂

Justin’s Big Question

Justin is (emotion – ed) about a dinner out with his (loving nickname). It’s their anniversary and he has decided to take his (Same loving nickname) out for (activity) at a local (place 1) that serves (nouns).

At the (same place 1), Justin holds out a (furniture) for his (new loving nickname) and places an order for her of (Noun). He (facial expression -s) at her across the table and holds her (body part) in his. Tonight is going to be (adjective) because he’s planning on asking her to (verb1) him.

Justin gets on one (body part) and reaches into his (clothing item). He pulls out a (noun 1) box and looks up into his Girlfriend’s (body part). She is looking so (adjective)! He can’t believe he will finally be asking her to (Verb 1) him!

He opens the (noun1 ) box and holds it up so that the contents appear (adjective) in the light and asks her “Will you (verb 1) me?”

His girlfriend looks (facial expression-ed) and shakes her (body part), her (body part) filling with (noun-s).

Yes, of course I will, she says with a huge (adjective) expression.

Justin (sound -s) as the waiter brings over a bottle of (noun) to celebrate.

It’s the (adjective -est) day of his life!

My Version of Justin’s Big Question

Justin is devastated about a dinner out with his Schmoopie. It’s their anniversary and he has decided to take his Schmoopie out for skinny dipping at a local grocery store that serves cats.

At the grocery store, Justin holds out a hammock for his Baby Cakes and places an order for her of an extension cord. He grimaces at her across the table and holds her finger nail in his. Tonight is going to be transparent because he’s planning on asking her to bench press him.

Justin gets on one belly button and reaches into his underwear. He pulls out a banana box and looks up into his Girlfriend’s shoulder. She is looking so droopy! He can’t believe he will finally be asking her to bench press him!

He opens the banana box and holds it up so that the contents appear greasy in the light and asks her “Will you bench press me?”

His girlfriend looks crazed and shakes her arm pit, her knuckles filling with USB Drives.

Yes, of course I will, she says with a huge urgent expression.

Justin gulps as the waiter brings over a bottle of thongs to celebrate.

It’s the firmest day of his life!

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About Victoria Sawyer (282 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, aspiring graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

2 Comments on Friday Mad Libs

  1. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN STILL BUY MAD LIBS ON AMAZON?!!!
    I’m on it.
    Never grow up. It’s a trap.
    Keep making those Barbies hump.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know…I was stunned you could still buy them and was totally on it in moments. It was funny cause as soon as they arrived, my husband was like…let’s sit down and do a Mad Lib. HA!! It was awesome. I could also play with legos at any time. I love legos soooo much. Toys are awesome…why do we stop playing with them? I need one of those big tubs of legos!

      Liked by 1 person

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