Sarcasm Central

Getting Social with the Locals

Have you ever attempted to get social, face to face? Like actual FACE TIME in the REAL WORLD? And no, I don’t mean the program Face Time online. I mean like REAL in person, social media. Or just social, without the media.  Like Media-free socializing.  Saying it that way sounds so naughty!  NO protection at all!  Just straight up soalizing in the REAL world.  (Imagine if we all refused to be around each other for real and only communicated through computers!  I guess that would be the Matrix where we’d each have our own slimy but hypoallergenic pod because we couldn’t stand to actually socialize in person.  Is that what the world is coming to with social media?!)

Anyway, I’m still okay with actually meeting with real people in a real place with my actual physical body, so I did that (although it was out of my comfort zone because they were strangers at first).  But once I actually got myself up close and personal with some real local social media nerds/creatives, it was awesome. I like calling them creatives, BTW, because it sounds all fancy pants and kind of snooty. And why the hell should the engineers, doctors, lawyers etc have all the fun? (I don’t think those bastards have any fun at all, just so you know. The creatives are where it’s AT).  Plus Social Media Nerds is awesome.  Technically I think people who are into social kind of stuff are like…socialites or social butterflies.  Something like that…

Anywhoo…I met these local creatives at a coffee watering hole (literally it was like the Serengeti and we all gathered around a huge lake made of coffee) and now I’ve been to their group several times. It’s very strange to meet people “in person” when you’re about social media…but it’s sweet. They have tips and tricks and the actual trading of information, data (ha!) and conversation. They trade in actual spoken word. SPOKEN WORD…whoaaa!  It’s like I’ve gotten so used to social media that I’ve forgotten the sweet sweet tones of the human speaking voice.

For example: one of them (which makes her sound like a robot, she’s not!) showed me this cool tool called Evernote.

You need to check this, STAT. Evernote is DOPE!! She said that I’m one of her disciples now. Like how Jesus had disciples. I’m an evernote disciple. I believe in Evernote. Number one because how can something so cool be offered for free? It’s like someone up there loves us. Number two, it’s all about getting all organized and shit. And I love getting organized. I like to take notes, keep notes, keep websites, store all my batshit insane ideas and Evernote can help me do just that.

Plus these creatives have turned me on to a few other ideas as well. I totally want to call myself a creative, but I can’t. I’m a “secretary with a blog.” HA!!! Oh and as a word of warning, NEVER EVER call us secretaries. There is NO such thing anymore (they went extinct with the age of drinking straight alcohol in the office (the good ole days!)).

We can call ourselves secretaries when we’re feeling fiesty, but you can NEVER utter that word without our wrath raining down upon your head.  We prefer the term Administrative Assistants. And, FYI, our wrath has no mercy. We control your office supplies, your calendars, your documents, your productivity, meetings and conference calls, etc. Don’t fuck with us. We control the world of business.  I know it doesn’t seem that way, but that’s how we like it.  We run a secret world domination conspiracy group. Trust me when I say I can ruin your life.  I’m that organized. (I love making Admin threats.  Sweet sweet threats, sorry I had to indulge…moving on….)

As usual, I’ve gone off topic. So for the record, I highly recommend getting social in person. Take the media right out of the picture (Oh the clean clean media, keeping you safe and secure behind your computer screen!  You need to get off the clean media and into the world (it’s ruining you for all other kinds of socialization! You don’t need to use hashtags in real live conversation!  You don’t need to speak in 160 characters!  This is REAL life).  Plus a little actual social dirt can do wonders for your immune system).

So once you’ve weaned yourself from the nourishing but sterile teet of online social media, you can TALK about media with these actual people, just don’t use it!  That would be rude.  I know you’re learning a whole new set of social rules, but you can do it!  Besides, you can gripe and bitch, ask questions, get ideas, and talk about how you had an genius blog post idea in the night and you wrote it down and everything but in the morning you realize you had written across another note and now you can’t read either of them. This my friends is a creative’s problem. We have these kinds of issues. And yes, that idea is GONE. GONE!! It was genius too. But Alas…I have been punished by the Muse.

So…find some local creatives or social media nerds and gather around a watering hole of delicious addictive coffee (do watch for lions and cheetahs). Once you relax and accept the “in-person” physical feel of socializing in the real world, you’ll like it. You really will. Trust me.  Now go out and get the hell out of your clean media bubble and into the germy dirty world of socializing with real people.  You might even get the chance to make eye contact or actually laugh out loud.  (Please don’t say LOL to these people, please I beg you).  I know it all sounds extremely frightening, but it’s not so bad once you try it…

Would I lie to you? Of course not!  I’ve been out there…I explored, I traveled to places unknown to those in the social bubble…and I lived to tell the tale.  (Unless of course this is just my online avatar Victoria (my soul online) talking to you and not the real girl who was killed off when she ventured out into the world.  Could have happened.  Might have….) (HELP!!!  THE CREATIVES ARE RUTHLESS AND BLOODTHIRSTY FOR HUMAN FLESH!! RUN RUN RUN!!! Mmmmmmmmm…arggg…mmm…..They lust for human flesh like zombies! I heard them say…”brains!”…)


**I literally thought to myself after reading this….you are so fucking weird.  And then I thought…Publish! Send it to the presses! Get some newsboys to hawk this terrible shit!**

About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

2 Comments on Getting Social with the Locals

  1. Hilarious! I’m a huge believer in:
    1. Evernote. Love, love, love it. I write all my blogs there first. It saves everything for me. I keep an idea “notebook” on there. All my stupid thoughts, random thoughts, rants, dramas, all of it.
    2. Making friends the good old fashioned face to face way. The up close and personal and I can actually smell your breathe way. The I actually had to look decent to socialize way.

    Bravo and I’m going to search my town for some social media nerds. Should be interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hope you find some social media nerds! Seems like groups of enthusiasts are popping up all over the place. It’s pretty cool! Sounds like you too are a disciple of Evernote! HA!! I love it! It’s FREE!! So sweet.


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