Sarcasm Central

My Waste Toner Cartridge Needs Replacement

When I say my waste toner cartridge needs to be replaced, what I really mean is that there is waste that needs eliminating.  And what I mean by that is that my body seems to need to eliminate waste all the freaking time and I’m over it.  Let’s just get over the ew factor here and realize that we’ve all got waste toner cartridges inside us that need replacing now and again.  And talking about it this way makes it sound much more civilized.  Like we’re all office equipment.

The copy machine has had an “accident”

It’s like that book.  Everybody…you knows.  I would rename that book…Everybody has a Waste Toner Cartridge.

What’s the worst is how often the waste toner cartridge needs replacement.  Like ALL THE TIME!!  The real waste toner cartridge lasts way longer than the one I currently have installed inside me.  For example, I eliminate liquid waste like 40 billion times in a day.  At least it seems like that.  And it’s obnoxious.  Why?  Why?  The waste toner in the copy machine seems to last several months.  Maybe?  Why can’t I be like that?  That is seriously one of my dreams, to have a waste toner cartridge that would last a full month without changing.  Admit my life would be highly improved with just this one little change.  But no, NO, God says I can’t have a waste toner cartridge that lasts that long.  Mine must be emptied DAILY.  And not just once per day, but SEVERAL times per day.

The human body needs a better way to eliminate its waste. For realz.  I’m over the process and how often the process needs to be completed.  If only I could be equipped with a larger cartridge or one that can recycle that shit or something (literally).  Blurg.  Seriously, this post has no where else to go.  It’s OVER Victoria, just walk away. WALK AWAY!!

And now…MEMES!!!

cat in snow


About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

2 Comments on My Waste Toner Cartridge Needs Replacement

  1. My ink cartridge needs to be refilled with more white ink… by which I mean I am going to have my anus bleached… (Is that really a thing? Do people actually do that? And if so, why?)


  2. I need a toner cartridge to get rid of all my bitter enemies. Like all the happy people around Christmas time. Or shoppers in my way, or traffic. I probably crapped up(see what I did there?) your analogy, but whatever. I’m kind of wasteful when it comes to words.

    Liked by 1 person

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