Sarcasm Central

Myspace to My Place ~ a love story

Today I’m going to bring you guys back in time!  (BACK IN TIMEEEE!!) via a sweet time machine DeLorean so you can witness how Mr. VS and I met. Yes, it was online and yes we had a blind date (sorta) and yes I was afraid that Mr. VS was a murderer.

Before we jump into the love story that is Mr. VS and myself, we must first discuss the fact that prior to Mr. VS, I had dated the same guy for 6 years. SIX YEARS!!  And this started when I was 18.  So from 18 to 24, I was with Mr. NOT VS.  We had a lot of fun together, it was party central, but eventually we realized that we just weren’t going to work out long term.  So we ended it and I moved out of our apartment and back into the bosom of the parental abode and into my old bedroom. (YEEEE  So fun!!!)  At the time I had a Myspace profile but did not have have Facebook quite yet.  So…since it seemed legit, I changed my profile from In A Relationship to Single.

As soon as that magical internet change took place, I began to receive the creepy emails from single men.  Emails such as, “You’re HOT!  Wanna Chat?”  Or things like… “The things I wanna do to you.  We should hook up! Your Hawt”  Etc.  There were like 10 messages that first day that I was single.  Apparently the single men were searching and attempting to pounce with poor grammar and spelling.  Remember how you could do that with Myspace and you can’t with FB?  Yeah…you could totally search for single people in your area, like say 15 miles etc and it would show you a list of people to scope out. Or to creep on.  It was like Myspace was also a dating service or a stalking aide.

But guess what? In all those messages there was ONE that wasn’t as creepy and his photos looked nice and he lived pretty close to me.  Yes, it was Mr. VS and yes, he too is an internet creeper, I guess.  So since he seemed nice (although I knew his line was a line) I decided to write back.  This was his super smooth lady killing line:  “You look like an intelligent girl, would you like to chat sometime?”  Total bullshit, but hey I was looking for a distraction from thinking about my failed 6 year relationship that I had thought was going to turn into marriage.

So Mr. VS and I chatted online for a few days.  At first I thought it was gonna be a mean rebound, but I surprised myself by really digging him. Especially when he sent me some pics of him looking all sexy and muscly.  Yes, Mr. VS did that to me.  And it totes worked.  I’m a sucker for nice biceps and pecs.  What can I say?  I’m shallow as fuck.  Ha.

Then I thought that maybe Mr. VS and I could talk on the phone.  So we did and we talked for a really long time.  Guess what?  Mr. VS was (hear “WAS”) quite perfect.  He really was.  He had a good job, he made good money, he was sexy, he didn’t do drugs, he partied but not too hard.  He was either perfect or a murderer.  Those were my choices.  Perfect did seem to good to be true.  But I was feeling quite like a little risk-taker.  I was feeling impulsive.  I wanted to meet Mr. VS in person!

This was only DAYS after he had first messaged me.  I think he messaged me on a Friday, we talked over the weekend, chatted on the phone Monday or Tuesday and by Wednesday we were meeting up in person for the first time at our local Applebees.  Super romantic, guys.

So there I am, an anxiety freak of a girl, standing in the waiting room of the Crapplebees waiting for Mr. VS to arrive.  I was terrified.  What if he didn’t look like his photo?  What if he was completely different? Some old creeper?  Or hideous?  Or had some kind of huge flaw and I couldn’t stay at dinner with him?  What if he was obsessed with me in a stalker-ish way?  What if I was the stalker?  WHAT WOULD I DO?!!

But then I spied him through the window and he looked “as advertised.” He also looked quite good looking and trim and fit.  So I was excited.  When he came in, I was pretty much speechless and didn’t know what to say.  It was so awkward to finally meet someone in person and I wanted to just take a minute to look him over.

Mr. VS and Myself

LOOK AT US!! So young and fresh! Is that the face of a murderer I ask you?!

Mr. VS being the perfect gentleman, let me lead the way with the hostess to our table.  The truth is that he wanted to check out my ass.  He’s a dirty dog, but hey, he’s a guy and they’re all like this.  So we sat down and started talking and had dinner and drinks.  We stayed for probably 3 hours or so. It was really good.  Mr. VS was everything I thought he would be.  At least on the outside.  Inside he could still have been a murderer.  But so far, so good. At least in public he kept his murdering tendencies to a minimum. I like a murderer with manners.

When we left the restaurant Mr. VS did get a little handsy and kissy with me.  But I was okay with it cause I was in to him too.  Granted, it was really really really weird to be kissy with someone new after being in a 6 year relationship.  My mind was all kinds of confused.  I didn’t know how to “do” the whole single and mingle thing. My mind was like “cheating!!” but my body was like…hell yeaaaaa exciting.  I had thought I’d be single forever after my relationship ended, but NO, here was another!  And right away too! Maybe too soon!  But how could I say no when he seemed like everything I had ever wanted?  What was a girl to do?

So I was floating on cloud nine, that new crush kind of high.  The next day Mr. VS invited me to his place.  He owned a home with his brother and had sent me a photo of it previously.  Mr. VS lived about 30 minutes from my parents house.  Also he had grown up about 20 minutes from their house, which is pretty crazy cause I would never have met him if it weren’t for the creeper-tastic Myspace.  Oh thank you Myspace!!

When I got to Mr. VS’s house his brother was there in the living room watching TV.  They lived in an old house and it had 2 apartments.  They lived together in one and rented the other out.  Mr. VS said he was going to show me his “room.”  Guess where his room was?  Ummm…yes…in the creepy stone walled old-timey gross basement. When we went down the stairs, I was sure murder was going to happen at any minute.  I thought maybe his brother was in on it too.  Brotherly murder syndicate! Too many TV movies were running through my head, however, seriously, Mr. VS was being creepy by sleeping in the basement. Who does that?  Murderers, that’s who.

He “claimed” he was sleeping in the creepy basement because he was working on fixing up his room upstairs.  He had torn down the lathe and plaster and was putting up drywall etc. BTW…the basement was nasty, spidery, moldy smelling and scary.  Luckily the ceilings weren’t too low.  I did wonder how anyone could sleep down there!  It was damp and wicked terrifying.  A spider could have easily murdered him in his sleep.  But he was not afraid.  I guess Mr. VS was doing it because he’s special, in his own way (maybe murderous too).

Luckily, Mr. VS didn’t murder me. It was touch and go there for a while.  His basement was the perfect murderer’s lair.  He could have buried me and no one would ever have KNOWN!!  But… thank god, Mr. VS kept his murderous ways in check and his brother didn’t even stir from upstairs to help with murder. I kept thinking maybe Mr. VS was going to try it, but he didn’t. He only tried to get busy with me, as boys do and not once did he try to strangle me or pick up a weapon.

As time went on those first few weeks, I was falling really really hard for Mr. VS.  Like REALLY REALLY HARD.  I was basically in love with him in seconds.  Particularly when murder didn’t happen.  That was a bonus.

I actually informed Mr. VS of my love for him about a month after we started dating.  His response was a very kind “thank you.”  Which was my response to him for not murdering me. This response put me into a panic! What if he NEVER said he loved me back?  How was I going to survive?!  Also I was all kinds of fucked up emotionally from being in a 6 year relationship, ending it and within milliseconds being with someone else who I was in love with. My brain was very very confused.  I was having weird dreams all the time about me Ex and then about this new shady character I was with! Seriously, he was kind of a shady character in my dreams.  Probably my murderer fear coming through.

Mr. VS terrified me by saying things like… you can’t predict if you will love someone ahead of time.  You can’t make yourself love someone.  You have to just let things run their course…

Can you imagine how terrified I was?  I was afraid that my sexy basement murderer would never love me!!!  NOOOO!!!  I was sobbing in the car!  My heart was sooo scared of being crushed to death by Mr. VS.  A different kind of murder, but murder nonetheless!

But I decided to stick it out.  I kept seeing him, kept telling him I loved him and eventually after about 5 months, Mr. VS did finally say that he loved me back. Yes, that’s about 4 months after I told him I loved him!  He’s such an asshole.  Soooo mean.  But he finally did say it and then we moved in together.  He probably just told me he loved me because his brother had moved into the upstairs apartment with his girlfriend and Mr. VS needed a roommate, badly and/or someone to murder.  So I agreed to be that person.  Plus it got me out of the loving parental abode.  Which was very nice. Win-Win, clearly.

And thus you have the story of Mr. VS and I.  Our enduring love story, so beautiful and full of potential murder, murderous basements, creeper-Myspace, saying TY for ILY and Mr. VS’s saying…. “Myspace to My Place.”  Dreamy, amiright?

Finally, after living together for 2 years, we got engaged and then married a year later and then we built our own house (literally we built it stick by stick with our own two four hands) and somehow survived and stayed married.  And now we’ve just celebrated our Wooden Anniversary.  Its true love, ya’ll.  It really really is.  Mr. VS says we’re in wedded bliss and it’s all thanks to Myspace, social media and the interwebs.  A 21st century love story.  Super romantic, guys.


About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

18 Comments on Myspace to My Place ~ a love story

  1. Happy anniversary! As one half of a myspace help orchestrate our coupledom myself I send you an internet high five.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I still love that you celebrated your wooden anniversary by hiking in the woods 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I did not have your success on myspace the one time I dated from it, but I’m glad things have worked out for you. hi5


  4. I like the picture… if you didn’t have glasses on, your eyeball would be stuck to his cheek… HA!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your almost murdered love story is epic! It was nice to see that you survived and were able to overcome any of his murder tendencies to tell about your love story with Mr. VS.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So sweet ❤ (I'm also glad he didn't murder you)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ah…risks do payoff sometimes. Congrats and Happy Anniversary. My husband and I dated only 5 months before getting married. He too could have been a murdering psychopath. Well, 11 years and still going strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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