I read an article the other day that seemed to be crassly implying (okay, outright stating) that Bloggers are self-centered nitwits. That we write about ourselves because we’re obsessed with ourselves and that people who are not self absorbed wouldn’t be sitting there writing about themselves all the time. I gotta call bullshit on this. Because I don’t write this blog because I’m obsessed with myself. I write a blog because I love communication and I love writing, humor and expression. (You’ll soon see how this starts off all sane, nice and logical but quickly devolves into my regular blathering…)
Of course what I write about is from MY point of view. How could it be otherwise? I don’t have any other point of view. No writer does (although we can fake it with fiction!). So of course, my blog seems to be “about me” because every single person is about themselves. We really don’t have much of a choice in the matter. We’re stuck inside being us, so…yeah we’re all pretty self absorbed. We are TRAPPED!! *claws frantically against steel bars in her head*
Plus you can tell the truly self-absorbed bloggers from the “yes I’m stuck inside me and I have no choice but I choose to make the best of it bloggers.” The truly self-absorbed are all braggy all the time. You don’t WANT to read them because they are so self important and only share their biggest accomplishments and feats of strength etc rather than sharing their low moments as well. We’ve all seen these people on Facebook. They make their lives out to be perfect so the rest of us will beat ourselves up over how imperfect our lives are. These people are kind of jerks, as well as self absorbed. Not at all like ME! I share all my most terrible laughable secrets with you! I’m generosity itself!
So are bloggers self-involved little assholes who are only about themselves? Are we MORE self-involved than other people? I don’t think so. I think we’re just as self involved as most people but we choose to write about it online. Everyone is self-involved but only some people are special enough to share their neuroses with the world. Yes, I just tooted my own and other so-called “self involved, self absorbed, I love me” bloggers horns. The reason we’re special? We can make our problems, our lives, our catastrophes and achievements seem funny and sort of interesting (maybe?). We’re your friend online. We tell you stuff. Yes, it might be somewhat one sided, but you like it that way don’t you?!
It’s like when you talk to someone at a party and they NEVER ask you any questions about you and so all you hear is all about them and it drives you crazy and you want the conversation to end because it’s so SELF CENTERED! And you feel terrible cause why don’t they want to know about you???? You are the most special perfect amazing person ever! Everyone wants to know about YOU!! What the hell is going wrong here??
Here’s where I throw you a bone readers (by asking you a question): What’s your favorite holiday tradition of craziness?
Am I ruining my premise here? Am I being too self-involved and self- promoting and self-aggrandizing? Do I love me? Gawd, no, of course I don’t! I’m a pain in the ass. Just ask Mr. VS. Ask him, if this weekend I annoyed the crap out of him when he was in a rotten mood while trying to make a pizza? Did that happen? Yes, it did. I was backseat pizza making and he HATES that. And I’ll bet he could tell you a whopper of a story (stories) about how difficult it is to put up with me on a daily basis. Not because of how self-centered I am, but because of how annoying, talkative, and hyper I am and how when he’s annoyed by whatever annoys him (me or just his own MIND!), I make it worse by annoying him even more with my “ways” of being.
Actually one time I asked Mr. VS to read everything on my blog that I’ve ever written about him and then I asked him to get pissed (fired up!) and write a post where he completely disputes my point of view and says that I’ve told it all wrong and then I want him to list all the points in all the posts where I’ve been wrong and THEN I want him to write funny, embarrassing and true things about me. Like that time we were sanding our floors with this huge floor sander and it kept launching itself across the room and bashing into walls and Mr. VS named it Victoria and was yelling: VICTORIA!!!!! whenever it bashed into shit. (Wait, that’s making fun of him or me?) Anyway…wouldn’t that be awesome? I know you guys want to read about how I’ve been misleading you about my life with Mr. VS while simultaneously reading MORE about me. MORE MORE MORE. GIMME MORE!
However, Mr. VS refuses because he doesn’t write things (except for that one time) and he’s only capable of writing me a 1-2 line email. We have totally different social styles. I’m all Expressive and he’s probably Analytical or something boring like that. For example when we built our house, he wanted to sit down and think about things all the time, like just sitting there staring off into space contemplating what we should do about a problem and I was like…we ain’t got time for that shit! We’ve got to get moving! and my mind was everywhere at once and his mind was very studious on one topic. And we drove each other crazy but actually made a good team too after we were done yelling.
Also, Mr. VS doesn’t even READ anything except maybe Ebat or the Craigslist or a 1985 ATC manual. That seems to be the extent. It’s ludicrous. Who doesn’t read? By god, he doesn’t even read this glorious shrine to me, myself and I. And when I read it to him after tying him down and forcing him to listen, he just wants it to be over and it feels like torture to both of us. Probably because he hears enough of my bullshit on a daily basis anyway and doesn’t need any additional reminders of me.
So…I’m off topic and wandering aimlessly through the tangled confines of this MIND I’m stuck inside. I’m sorry if that seems EGOTISTICAL or SELF-CENTERED to you. I didn’t ask to be stuck in here with me. It just happened TO ME (Look what GOD did to me Man!) and now I’m making the best of a difficult and unpleasant situation by making fun of myself and having a good time online writing nonsense that comes to this mind of mine (plus I like taking you down with me. If I have to suffer in here, SO DO YOU! I’m a good little sharer! No terrible 2’s for me!).
This is the only way I can really share the ridiculous content of my mind and by share I mean hurt you with the contents of my mind. Imagine what would happen if I kept this poisonous stuff to myself and didn’t share the love?! JUST IMAGINE THAT!! My brain would rot and be filled with toxins! And since it’s all about me, we know that I cannot let that happen. I have to take whatever steps are necessary to make sure my brain is in the best shape it can be. Be glad I’ve found a healthy way to let off steam. Healthy for ME that is. And isn’t that nice… for me…
P.s. why do all my blog posts inevitable end up here? In this weird spot where I can’t end things and I feel like I wrote the same thing I wrote yesterday and the day before and the day before that for like 7 years? Sorry. It’s probably because I’ve been cursed with only ONE measly point of view! NOT FAIR!! It seems so stingy to me that I’ve only got one. But since this is the case, I am bound to be a repetitive piece of repeating bullshiz.
P.P.S. I know you’re THINKING about yourself all the time (you can’t trick me!)…well, I’m thinking about myself too and then writing that shit down! WHOOP!
P.P.P.S. I found a grey hair and I’m devastated. I AM NOT GETTING OLD!!! NOT ME!!! VANITY!!
P.P.P.P.S (I used to have a pen pal, can you tell?) Did my attempt to make you think that bloggers aren’t self centered work or fail miserably? I think I just revealed the truth, that I’m obsessed with myself and how gloriously genius I am and that’s why I blog. Right?! (Do you agree or not agree with the crazy person behind the blog?! I don’t know the answer to that!!! HAHAHA.) Also ADMIT that I like to make my flaws sound stunning and like something you want to emulate? That’s the TRUE magic behind this blog…I tell you all the terrible stuff about myself but make it sound cool and desirable to be a terrible self centered nitwit.