Sarcasm Central

Internet Archaeology

You know what’s weird?  The internet will someday be a weird spooky graveyard. Think about it…the ‘nets has really only been around for maybe 15-20 years.  Not really long enough for anyone to be “born” online and then “die” online. And by born and die, I mean…in REAL life.  Think about this blog, what the hell will happen to it if I die?  Will it hang around like a loitering miscreant for years to come? Will some industrious archaeologically-minded youngster (an Indiana Jones wannabe) stumble upon the crumbling ruins of this blog and declare to the world that he has discovered something of great significance!? Maybe I should booby-trap this shit? Huge rolling bolder? Nasty virus? Spiders?

Will my topics and writing seem old fashioned or will they stand the test of time? Will future denizens of the world be intrigued by the way life was in the “olden” golden days of the interwebs? Admit it’s scary to think that we’re in the early infancy of the ‘nets! Seriously though, what the hell are they going to do when the ‘nets gets super extra big? Like a shit-ton of gigabytes or terrabytes or whatever?  Will servers just have to hold more? Will the servers of the world want to keep hosting old content?  But to delete it would seem wrong too.  It’s like some kind of online library for human thought and you can’t just trash that! That would be like a modern day book burning! But imagine all the eye-witness testimony to history as it passes!!!  We’re so freaking advanced now! Hell yeah! (haha…really?)

Someday searching the net might be like going to look at historical documents with the white gloves and pencils.  Wouldn’t that be pretty snazzy?  If you could just go online and find accounts written by everyday people about their lives 100 years ago?  I sort of wish I was going to be around for this revelation cause it sounds pretty sweet. The internet would literally NEVER end and be filled with stories of blogging self-centered nitwits! Eventually they’ll have to make up additional internet rules about old profiles.  What if my Facebook profile is still hanging around online in the year 2115? What if you could view old timey people’s profiles with like old timey black and white photos and posts about the olden days?  Pretty weird, right?

What caused me to think about this was that new Fallout Boy song Centuries.  I was scoffing at it and its sentiment because really?  Who the hell is going to remember any of us pleebs for centuries?! Everyone wants to think that they’ll be remembered, but if you think about all your historical relatives, how many of them do you actually know anything about? I’ve always been bummed that my ancestors didn’t write anything down! Or if they did, I don’t have it. I think that’s pretty sad. I want to know how my great great great great great somebody was a washerwoman philosopher or how my great great somebody was a naughty puritan or whatever. Basically all these old timers have ceased to exist to the current people on earth because there’s nothing left of them or if there is something, like a piece of furniture or whatever, it doesn’t really give us much to go on.

That’s why when I die, I’m bequeathing my blog, my book and all my diaries to my descendants.  By golly, I’ll be remembered for Centuries along with Fallout Boy!  WHOO!!!  haha.  Seriously though, I am bequeathing that stuff so someday people can read about my life experiences in the 90’s through…well…you know…whenever I’m no longer here because…posterity…and history and…shit! (definitely not vanity)

What I don’t get is why don’t people want to write down all their darkest secrets when they die?  What fun is it to take that stuff to the grave?! You can’t take it with you! (grim reaper platitude) Personally I think I’d only be happy (word choice?) going to my death bed if I knew I had written down all my dark secrets for my friends and family to find after I was gone.

This is probably because I’m a sharer by nature. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to share, especially if you’re dead and you don’t know! Why not leave something behind!! Worst case scenario is that you’d be floating around in heaven or something and you’d get to see how sharing your secrets turned out and you might get embarrassed by the outcome. But who cares? Well..maybe when your family comes to heaven and accuses you of all the dastardly deeds you admitted to, then maybe. But screw them…all you really care about are…CENTURIES!!!! Maybe someday you’ll be famous for those dastardly deeds!  In an era yet to come!  You will be ALL THE RAGE!!  They’ll have a fashion named after you! You’ll be TRENDY! Your life will be the thing of documentaries and piss poor made for TV movies!!

I want this. This is my new life goal, screw everything else! To be mistakenly revered after I’m dead or somehow misunderstood and be thought a genius…Man…that’s…wow. Just imagine how nicely that would boost your dead ego!!  My dead ego would be lovin’ it!!! People would dress like me, talk like me, think I was a goddess or something, I’d be in all the history books. People would make up actual LEGENDS about me.

I really like this idea.  As you get older, start chronicling your life and all your secrets and then hide that shit away where it will be found someday and your great great great grand children will be like…WHOAAA Greatx3 Grandma was totally badass or insane!! And then it’ll become a treasured family heirloom!!!!  They’ll take that shit to Antiques Roadshow someday! Or maybe it’ll get traded in at the Pawn Stars shop or be picked by the American Pickers from the rusty trash heap o’ gold that your family placed it on oh so lovingly. Now that’s a lasting legacy! If you’re really lucky it’ll get placed in some kind of museum of antiquities. Maybe you’ll even predict the end of the world in your meandering writings?  How sweet would that be on your heavenly resume??? eh?? Victoriadamus?

Sometimes I wonder, would Mr. VS actually read all the trite babble I’ve written if I died?  Probably not.  But SOMEDAY!!  SOMEDAY someone would stumble upon my words! Or they’d end up in a landfill. Or maybe ALIENS or MACHINES would read them? Or maybe my descendants would actually read my words and REMEMBER ME!!! Right, right?! I totally have a goal of being the most famous dead person on Facebook. Having goals for the afterlife is really important. I’m starting early.  It’s not just retirement I need to plan for…

LOOK AT ME!! Both making and chronicling history, right before your EYES!!


What a bunch of baloney. Baloney is a funny word. Hooey!

About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

10 Comments on Internet Archaeology

  1. On my tomb, I want written….”I came..I saw…I blogged about it.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, the really make you think huh? Who is gonna want to read the crap I’ve written over the last few years? I keep saying it will be my legacy someday and my kids can read all about me, but really, do I read anything my ancestors wrote down? I don’t really care about that. I guess we won’t know, but our kids will be laughing at the fact that we left this crap for them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ben, stop being so bitter and go get out your grandma’s steamy diary! Trust me…some people are nosy and will want to find out how bitter you really were. There will be legends about your levels of bitterness, but no one will believe it until they read your blog.


  3. This better last… I am doing it so my future great great great grandkids can read it to find out why they are so weird

    Liked by 1 person

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