Sarcasm Central

Welcome to my Unconscious Mind: 23 Weird-Ass Dreams

While I was enjoying a nice long vacation (are you jealous?! HAHA!! STOP…HOLD THAT THOUGHT: this is an old post and now there’s no longer cause for jealousy because there are 5 day work weeks stretching out into infinity) ANYWAY, I was noticing that I have a lot of weird-ass dreams.  In particular it came to my attention because I had a dream that Mr. VS was cheating on me and eventually it came to light that he was cheating wholeheartedly with abandon. i.e. he was not only loving it, he was cheating on a wholesale level with budget found in-bulk skanks.

As you can guess, I was pissed.  When I woke up right after I had the dream, I was filled with sadness in my soul because Mr. VS was a terrible liar and a cheat.  Then in the morning I proceeded to give him the silent treatment and the old cold shoulder because HOW DARE he come into my dreams and blatantly cheat on me?!  Not cool, spouse, not cool at all.

Unconscious Mind, Sunset image

AHHH!!! RUN!!!

Now I’m going to give you a list of other weird dreams I’ve had.  Maybe they aren’t that weird but they seem weird to me and also they seem to illustrate something about me that We (the royal we) didn’t know (self-deceit is another talent of mine)…mainly that I’m vain.

1. Plants Growing From My Skin

Here’s a fun dream.  I’ve had it multiple times and it’s freaky as all hell.  Basically things are going along normal in the dream when suddenly plants, i.e. they seem to be aquatic plants, are suddenly sprouting from my skin.  AHH!!!  I’m not sure what this dream means except that maybe it has to do with me being vain and worrying about my appearance. After my initial shock and depression over being a freak, I usually try to trim them because it seems unseemly to be sporting plants from the thigh or arm.  Shaving extends to keeping your aquatic body plants under control.  Nobody wants to see that.

Aquatic Green Plants

I grew this…from my thigh. Hot, right?

2. My Teeth Falling Outta My Damn Head

I have this dream a lot too and it sometimes even involves trips to the dentist and braces, in the dream (yes, dreams imitate real life).  I’ve experienced dental related trauma, can you tell?  Also I’m vain because I’m terrified of going around with no damn teeth in my head.  How terrifying is this dream?  Suddenly a tooth falls out of your head and you panic and then without warning all your damn teeth are like a waterfall out of your mouth and you’re scrambling around to try to gather them up so you can bring them to the dentist and ask him to put the damn things back in your mouth.  It’s horrific.  Plus you wonder…what the hell is wrong that suddenly my teeth are dropping like flies?!

Teeth falling out

AHH AHH AHHH!!!!!!! WHY?! WHY GOD WHY?!!

3. Constantly Locking Doors

There’s a lot of fear, anxiety and bad guys in my dreams.  So I’m always locking doors and relocking doors and trying to lock doors, often FRANTICALLY. It’s like my dreams expose all my secret mental obsessions/fears.  WTH? Why?  STOP!!

4. Cats, Everywhere, All the Time

I have dreams about cats all the time.  Either cats are babies or babies are cats (crazy cat lady?) or sometimes it’s about traveling with cats or about catching cats that have escaped  I have literally been a crazy cat lady in my dreams and had rooms full of cats.

5. Moving, Packing, Packing, Moving, Organizing

For some reason I move around a lot in my dreams.  Moving offices, moving houses, going on vacation, packing, having a messy closet or room that needs organizing.  Sometimes I’m even at my old room at my parent’s house and I’m going through old stuff that is somehow still there as if it’s been sitting there for years in 3 foot tall piles on the floor.  I’m over this dream.  It’s annoying.  I hate moving.  That’s why I don’t DO it in real life.  Give me a break, Dreams.

6. Partying

I party hard in my dreams.  The alcohol flows, the drugs abound.  It’s a good time. It’s sweet cause you can’t get in trouble for partying in your dreams.  In fact, I can’t even get in trouble for my side-dalliances in my dreams because Mr. VS doesn’t know!  HAHA!!  Wait…but I do get mad at him for cheating in my dreams.  Eh?

7. Shopping/My Wardrobe

I do a lot of shopping in my dreams.  A lot of it is thrift shopping and I’m searching through stuff trying to find something sweet.  I also always seem to have a better closet with things I don’t remember having but really like. It sucks when you wake up and those items don’t exist in the real world. Especially when you got an awesome deal, such as FREE-99.  Is there even money in dreams?  Not mine.

8. Books

I do a lot of looking at books in my dreams too.  I don’t actually ever read anything (does anyone actually read in their dreams?), but I do buy books/shop for books, obsess over books.

9.  Bad Guys

The bad guys come after me now and again in my dreams.  It’s like an action packed thriller where I’m running from the scary guy with the gun.  I’ve been shot at and survived. I’m a badass.

Padlock and chain on a door.

WHY won’t you STAY locked!!! DAMN YOU!!

10.  I See/Interact with People I haven’t Seen in a long time

It’s like a reunion in my dreams. I see people from High School that I wasn’t even friends with.  Why?  Why?

11.  School and Missed Classes and Fail

Even though (before recent history) I hadn’t been to a graded class of any kind in YEARS, I still have dreams about it all the time.  So stressful!  Like I can’t find my schedule, or I can’t find my locker.  Then I didn’t do my homework or hadn’t been to class in weeks and I knew I was failing.  Or I had a test and I didn’t know the material.  The other day I had a dream about math class.  Who dreams about math?  Like we were actually doing math problems.  Weird. Sometimes I dream about how I need to drop a class but I keep forgetting and then it’s past the deadline. The straight up TERROR you guys!

12.  Driving

There’s driving in Victoria’s Dream world.  And yes, I have been in a motor vehicle accident.  But it’s not on my record. Sometimes I drive things that I have never driven in real life.  Like boats, motorcycles, dirt bikes.  Never driven a plane in my dreams though.  haha..driven a plane.

13. Bathroom Issues

I have to go to the bathroom in my dreams quite a bit. It’s like I’m playing the Sims and have to make sure I am going to the bathroom regularly.  Most of the time though there are issues with showering and toilets.  The shower will be in a glass room and I’m trying to pull the curtains but can’t and people are totally seeing me. Then the toilets will all be out in the open or the stall doors are really low.  For some reason there are always other people using these out in the open toilets, but I have scruples in my dreams.  I don’t pee in public.

14.  Amusement Parks

There are quite a few amusement parks, pools and the like in my dreams.  I often enjoy myself skiing, running/flying/floating, swimming, boating, camping, riding a rollercoaster or ferris wheel, going down slides.  My dreams are a place of leisure. I could get used to this…

15. Applying Makeup

I often apply make up in my dreams and usually it goes about how you’d expect where I look like a clown when finished because for some reason the conditions for applying makeup or the makeup itself were substandard.  Or suddenly I’m special about applying makeup and I look like a fool. Again, with the vanity.

16. Potluck

There are a lot of potluck events in my dreams, as well as buffets.  I’m never at a restaurant being served and usually I’m not cooking at home either. How random is that?

Cat Image, Brings Meow Mix to Potluck

Totes.

17.  Cleaning

I clean a lot in my dreams  It’s a very dirty place there where I haven’t cleaned the kitchen for weeks and have a lot of dishes to do.  Why?  God, why? I do enough of that mundane shit in real life, I don’t need it showing up in my dreams too. $%&*#!!!

18. Dancing/Stripper

I’ve been a stripper/exotic dancer in my dreams before.  Don’t ask.

19. The Same Locales

For some reason I go to a lot of the same fake-places in my dreams.  Like towns or locations that I’ve been to before in other dreams, so I remember them and know where things are because I’ve been there before.  I usually know where all the shopping malls are in my dreams. These are not real places.  Completely  made up by my mind.  I’m amazing, I make up worlds.  Yup.

20. That Weird Naked Dream

I had a weird naked dream the other night where I actually wanted to be naked and I was at a birthday party with a bunch of clothed people.  It wasn’t even sexual, I just somehow thought that I was wearing the best possible outfit, which was to be naked.  I had a few moments of doubt though during the dream and then eventually I put some clothes on.  How F’ed up is that?

21.  Being Outside in Weird Places

There are often watery places in my dreams.  And forests.  Bridges.  Strange roadways.  Creepy Paths.  Sometimes there are haunted houses or haunted places.  Sometimes there are creepy things in the water.

Home Sweet Home, Run down castle

This is the kind of house Mr. VS and I choose, in my dreams.

22. Weird Houses/Houses that are Falling Down

I have this recurring Dream that I’m in my parents house and it’s falling down or somehow unstable.  I often have dreams that Mr. VS and I have bought an old crappy house and are living there and trying to fix it up. Like last night, our house was having leaking pipes in my dream.  Sometimes we’re living in an apartment, sometimes a house. We’re never actually at our OWN house in my dreams.

23. SPIDERS, Bugs, everywhere

Unlike Cats everywhere, Spiders everywhere is a nightmare.  I often have dreams about weird bugs or rooms filled with spiders that I’m supposed to sleep in.  Like they’re crawling all across the ceiling and I’m supposed to lay down under them.  I sometimes vacuum in dreams too.  DIE SPIDERS DIE!! If this spider infestation happened in real life, I would literally die.

And thus you’ve endured a course in my dreams.  I’m sorry it wasn’t more interesting.  Or maybe it was.  I have no idea if other people dream of this weird shit like I do.  Anyway, welcome inside my weird unconscious brain.

It’s pretty sweet in there for the most part, right! I might go live there instead. I mean, I’d have to deal with bad guys, spiders, my teeth falling out, aquatic body plants, scary houses and constant cleaning/organizing, but at least there’s guilt free partying and cheating, constant potlucks, amusement parks, me, driving a motorcycle or boat and shopping without the need for money.  Also a sweet wardrobe.  So that’s pretty awesome.  Although the bathroom sitch would get old, fast. I guess I’d have to get used to going/showering in public. EEK!!  Would you live in my dreams?!

 

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About Victoria Sawyer (282 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, aspiring graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

4 Comments on Welcome to my Unconscious Mind: 23 Weird-Ass Dreams

  1. Dreams have always been fascinating to me. I even looked into a career in dream interpretation until I realized it would be a lot of work, and there really is no such career as a dream interpreter.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My boyfriend has dreams of me cheating on him ALL the time, and he does the same thing. He wakes up mad at me. I can relate to number 11 completely! For like three years, I had a consistent dream that as I am completing my finals, I realized I was signed up for a class that I never showed up for the entire semester and I was going to fail. I also always have dreams where I’m naked in public for no reason. I even go out of my way to go to Walmart and I’m hiding behind racks, but for some reason, something always gets in the way of actually putting on clothing. It’s stresses me out beyond belief.

    Like

    • Dreams are so WEIRD! Like we don’t have enough stress in our daily life, it has to come into our dreams too. haha. Plus it seems like we’re less in control of ourselves in our dreams which is weird and annoying.

      Like

  3. Sounds like a week in my life…except off course for the “sprouting plants” and “wearing make-up”. Those are ridiculous…

    Liked by 1 person

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