Sarcasm Central

In the Club, In the Club, In the Club…

This past Friday night I spent about 30 minutes in a club and I became enraged.  Don’t you want to know the story?  Course you do!  Rants are SO much fun!

So I was spending a nice night out with friends.  We had drinks, dinner, drinks and then went to the “club.”  Granted in the small-ish town we were in, it wasn’t a huge place.  However, they had “music.”  I feel so old putting “music” in quotes simply because I clearly didn’t appreciate said music.  This story will either demonstrate that I’m old or that I’m totally right.  You decide.

Yup.

So once we entered the club it was to blinding strobe lights and ear blistering techno-ish beats.  My friend claimed it was dub-step.  What do I know?  Anyway, there were a few people dancing but more people were crowded around tables.  There were 2 DJ’s on the stage as well as a girl with a hula hoop who was actually doing pretty good.  My friend and I decided to do a little bump and grind ourselves so set out for the dance floor.  I had already suspected, from previous experiences that dancing to this god awful music was probably not going to happen for me.  I can jump around like a fool on my own time, but in public I prefer to do a bit more of a hip shaking shuffle. I’m the kind of girl that can really dance to hip hop or R&B but cannot dance to techno-ish beats. So sue me? I have hips, I know how to use them and Techno does not appreciate my hips at all.

As I looked around me, NO ONE ELSE was able to really dance to the techno-beats either.  Most of them looked foolish.  The only person doing it justice was the hula hoop girl.  The music was in fact extremely annoying.  And I’m not saying that all techno is annoying, I’m saying that these DJ’s absolutely sucked.  There were 2 of them needed to make music this bad.  They weren’t really mixing in regular songs.  They’d mix in a song for about 2 seconds and then just have pure techno beats that kept repeating themselves over and over again.  Like the same few notes or whatever would keep happening.  The same techno-trills, AGAIN AND AGAIN.  It was obnoxious and completely unoriginal.  It was detestable.

Me the other night at the “club.”

I’m not just saying this cause I’m old and out of touch!  I SWEAR IT!  I need some young people to back me up on this one.  Do we, or do we not actually like the songs that we hear on the radio?  Do we actually want to dance to these songs while in the pulsating club? YES WE DO.  If the DJ had played some regular songs, like they used to do back in MY DAY, things would have been fine.  But NO, NO, NO!!  They had to basically just play annoying bullshit repetitive-piece of shit beats instead of songs that people actually like to dance to.  Hence not too many people were dancing and THE YOUNG people that were dancing clearly had no clue what it used to be like, BACK IN MY DAY.  They didn’t know that the world of dancing at clubs could be better.  WAY better.

Basically.

God I’m so old, if I can say, “back in my day.”  Back in the early ’00’s (MY DAY, also my days were the 90’s too) when I was a dancing machine on a regular basis, DJ’s would actually play songs worthy of a dance. They even had old skool stuff too when you requested it, like some sweet 80’s or 90’s gems.  Now…(as happened a few months ago at a different club) when you request an ACTUAL song with an actual good musical beat created by an actual music artist who knows what the hell they’re doing the DJ is like…umm…don’t you want to dance? I don’t have that song!  I’m like HELL YES I want to dance you mother-f’in fool!!  That’s why I’m asking for ACTUAL music!!!

People now simply don’t understand how good the music was to dance to back in the day and how if you wanted to dance to techno, you went to a TECHNO club, not every goddamned club like you see out there nowadays playing techno bullshiz.  Like…did you guys know…the music you hear on the radio could actually be played in the club and then at the very end of the song it could be mixed with another cool song you often heard on the radio and totally loved.  THAT SHIT HAPPENED!!! BACK IN THE OLD DAYS!

Back in the day Notorious BIG would come on (and this was WAAAY after he first came out) and we would dance like sexy fiends! True or false that watching girls dance to hip hop music is waaay better than watching people ATTEMPT to dance to insane hyperactive techno beats? You basically have to be someone with ADHD sans meds to truly dance to techno.  You have to basically jump around like a lunatic. No girl looks sexy dancing to that shit. Unless you have a hula hoop.  So you’d better bring one to the club with you if you plan on looking good whilst dancing to the annoying regular-repetitive techno beats.  And isn’t the ultimate point of the club to look good?  Don’t guys want to look at girls and girls want to actually look good while dancing?  I feel like this rests my case.

My cats on the other hand are young and totally into techno beats.

I would much rather dance to ANY cover band, hip hop, R&B, or music that is currently on the radio today like Taylor Swift or Bruno Mars than the bullshit the clubs think people want to dance to.  What the fuck is wrong with people? It’s like any shitty ass DJ can start playing god awful techno beats and they all ASSUME we want to hear their dubious genius while at the club.  WRONG!!  WRONG!!  FALSE!!!  I’m not old, I’m totally RIGHT!! Someone please tell me why you love techno?  And you can’t say…for the drugs.  Techno and drugs was a thing back in my day too and still that shit sucked.

I rest my case. I am not old, I am awesome and totally with it.  Also I actually like some songs by Avicii and Daft Punk, so there!

Maybe I’m out of touch.  BUT maybe everyone’s skinny jeans are cutting off the circulation to their brains.  Maybe.

I don’t know why or how, but wow, I love it. Look at that CAT DJ!!! WITH PIZZAA!!!

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About Victoria Sawyer (282 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, aspiring graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

5 Comments on In the Club, In the Club, In the Club…

  1. You are so right about the techno. No one looks good dancing to that stuff.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Preach! This techno-nonsense is terrible and some people actually listen to it other places (i.e. their cars, houses, whatever). But they listen to it… like it’s real music…. ??? I don’t get it. I don’t even go to clubs because other than the fact that I seem grossly out of place there, I can’t deal with the strobe lights and loud beats. My tinnitus doesn’t know what to do with all that. (Hilarious pictures, by the way.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Techno is straight trash but trance with e? Well that is the stuff of miracles and dreams. And on e? No one cares what they look like dancing to that shit. That was then though. Haven’t been to an actual “club” in like 10 years. I’m getting old…..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Trance…whoa haven’t heard that in a long time. Alas, we’re all getting old my friend. It seems to just happen, no matte what you do. Try telling that to young people though and they’d be like…NO!! NOT ME!!!

      Like

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