Sarcasm Central

Big Game Hunter: Why?!

Hey girl, you make me sick. ~Ryan Gosling.  I can’t even look at you. ~ Victoria

Now and then I see stories online about 2 things that catapult me trebuchet-style into a burning waste arc of madness. Two of them that have recently flung me into rage mode are are Big Game Hunters and the Ivory Trade. Why? WTF?!!!  Can someone explain to me how both of these things are still things today? How is this possible? Are we still in the 1800’s?  Did I miss something?

First off, can we all agree that life is the most important resource that we have on earth?  I think that’s pretty easy to say.  Life is extraordinary. It’s amazing.  It’s valuable and precious. ANY life that is, not just human life.  Okay, with that out of the way, let’s move on.

How are people still allowed to hunt big game in Africa or anywhere else? Why would you even WANT to hunt big game like lions, elephants, rhinos, grisly bears, giraffes, etc.  Why would you want to kill something so beautiful and alive?  The thing that boggles my mind completely is that some of these hunters you see are young girls with their stupid pink rifles lying next to the huge animal they slaughtered.  Why?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not totally against guns or hunting or eating meat, but I am against killing beautiful creatures that are nearing endangerment for sport or thrill.

Here’s what I determined to be the thought process of big game hunters:

I, the big game hunter (BGH), deserve to hunt big game because:

  • I am special
  • It gives me a thrill
  • It’s exciting
  • I feel powerful
  • I am more important than anyone/anything else on earth
  • It’s gonna get me laid with my stupid friends/admirers
  • I don’t care about anything but what I want
  • My life/goals/pleasures are more important than animals or life

If you think about it…these are also the same reasons that serial killers do what they do. I’m not gonna exactly say that Big Game Hunters are serial killers, but seriously they are serial killers of animals.  There I said it.  And I think this kind of shit should be banned, outright.  I’m sure these people, if they live in the States, are bringing some kind of trophy home and that’s when you nab them and toss their asses right in jail. Killing any kind of large African or Alaskan or any other near extinct wildlife..sorry!  JAIL TIME!! Killing any other kind of large animal that is even close to endangered…JAIL TIME!! BYE BYE!! See ya SUCKERS!!

Seriously though, when I see this shit on FB and hear these people trying to defend themselves about why they deserve to be killing these animals, I just start thinking about how they’re suffering from some kind of debilitating egotistical personality disorder that should be fixed right up with meds, not with animal murder. Guess what BGH, you’re not better than anyone, you don’t deserve your stupid little thrills, you don’t deserve to feel powerful, you don’t deserve to take the life of a beautiful creature.

Speaking of killing animals, let’s also just rip down all their habitats! YEAH!! FUCK UM!  Remember how we get pissed when NATURE rips down our habitats through earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes or when animals DARE to eat out of our trash cans when we moved into their neighborhoods (ASSHOLES!), well, let’s just do that to animals.  Let’s just fuck ’em up! YEAH!!  RIP DOWN THEIR TINY HOUSES!! DESTROY their hideous FORESTS!! Pollute THEIR stupid WATER!! HAHAHA!!

Wait…? We need water and food too to survive?  Nah…nope..I don’t buy it.  We’re not just like animals. We’re BETTER AND SMARTER!

Cause we desperately NEED products or we will die! Like…wood floors, cheap plastic shit, strip malls, housing developments, Wal-Marts, taxes or whatever the hell else we’re supposedly getting by destroying wildlife habitat.

You know what Humanity, you’re definitely better than all these shitty animals.  Why even have them at all?!  DESTROY ALL THE CREATURES NOW!!!!

You do recognize sarcasm when you see it, right? No?

I’m pretty much at a loss of where to go from here.  Some would say, Humanity is the BESTEST because we’ve got empathy and compassion which other creatures do not have. However, while I sort of agree with this statement, I’d also like to say that we only use that golden empathy and crystalline compassion on each other (and barely that) and we certainly don’t use it regularly for any other creature on earth.  I certainly wouldn’t go as far as to say that we routinely practice our “special” compassion and empathy.  Most of us don’t, like ever.  We don’t mean it.  We think we do, but we’re ULTRA self-centered.  So yeah…our amazing empathy is basically for ourselves and therefore self-serving. We love us. We’ve ALWAYS loved us.  We will ALWAYS love us.  Put that to music.

Anyway, bottom line, it breaks my goddamned heart every time I see animals that are endangered or close to endangered killed for sport.  I also hate it when I see us pushing animals further and further into smaller habitats.  It’s sort of like how we’ve killed off entire populations of humans this way as well with our greed and supposed need. Anything that is different, weaker or less able to fight back will be destroyed and marganialized.

This is really the MOST pleasant post I’ve ever written.  DESTROY ALL THE CREATURES!! NOW!!!!



About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

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