Sarcasm Central

I Got No Time for Egos

You know what drives me nuts? Big Double-Whopper Egos. They annoy me and give me indigestion and high blood pressure. Ain’t NOBODY got TIME for EGOS! They’re the reason that so much in society and the world goes shitty. Because people have too much wrapped up in their damn egos. It’s why people can’t admit they’re wrong, it’s why people do shitty stupid stuff to make sure their egos stay intact. It’s all so grasping and pathetic, isn’t it? Why is our self worth so wrapped up in this weird idea of an ego that must be served and pumped up?

I read an article the other day that said most world leaders are a few different types of astrological signs. I believe this is because most of those signs are associated with people who have big egos. That’s really the only reason those people are in power. They aren’t necessarily the right people to lead a country or to lead the world, but they’re in the position because they have a big enough ego to believe they’re the right person and unfortunately a big in-your-face-ego with special sauce is enough to convince the rest of us that they must be something special (and deliciously bad for you).

Which is pretty damn stupid if you think about it. How many people have you met in your lifetime who had huge egos that were completely unwarranted once you got to know them? Meaning, they think very highly of themselves, but there’s no proof in the pudding. When you look close enough, the only thing they really have going for them is the fact that they believe in themselves and are confident, overly confident.  All their other skills are negligible and not special by comparison. In fact there are others who have less ego who would have done a better job because they HAVE the necessary skills to actually lead and lead well.  But those people don’t get elected or even run for office, or get hired as CEO because they don’t have a huge ego!

Are these quarter-pounder ego people really good leaders?  Are they really good at inspiring, making the right selfless choices, can they resolve conflict fairly and make balanced decisions? Most likely, they are led more by their ego than by anything else. They are more concerned with their OWN legacy and image than actually doing the right thing for the majority of people. They are more concerned with THEMSELVES and how they appear than anything else. They are not selfless, caring, thoughtful. Their ego leads them to green pastures and tells them how beautiful, smart and amazing they are.

I believe the ego tricks us. Egos make us believe that we’re special and perfect and amazing at everything we do. Egos can blind us, making us refuse to see our own faults. They make us think we can do everything and anything and we’re taken in by an ego of massive size and stature. If he thinks he can do it and he’s that passionate about himself and his skills, he must be right! We tell ourselves this all the time. If someone’s a smooth talker and confident, we’ll believe everything they have to say. Their other qualities may suck, but we won’t notice, at least not at first.

I’m not saying that no one should be confident, but I believe we should be careful not to be blinded by our own self-importance. When you’re failing to see your own flaws, must always be right and put yourself before others most of the time, it might be time to see if your ego is actually the most important part of who you are. And don’t get me wrong, I know there are people who have a “healthy” dose of ego and I’m sure that it’s important to getting ahead. But the ego is a tricky bastard and can easily twist your mind to his/her way of thinking. Ego, that evil little voice in your head can also work in the opposite way too…criticizing your ass all the time too. There are 2 drastic ends of the evil ego spectrum.

You know what amuses me? That after I wrote this post, I was looking around the web and found this blog (I won’t mention what it is) but it’s about guys who are empowered but take it so far as to be in-your-face screaming egotistical assholes. Basically guys who go around with enormous egos and believe that they have to have these egos to be successful. They write posts about kicking humility in the face and think it’s for groveling unsuccessful weakling losers.

They also write blog posts about winning and how awesome they are and how people who aren’t successful are losers at life etc. It’s pretty….umm…interesting to say the least. I can just imagine these guys at the gym, the lunks, yelling and screaming about winning and being strong and tough, pumping themselves up into the kind of person you would NEVER actually want to have a conversation with. I mean…people with egos that big are really quite unpleasant to be around. It’s all, I’m so awesome, bragging, bragging, winning, winning, shitting on others, refusing to accept that they could actually do something wrong… constantly! (Their secret is probably that they’re massively insecure).

Let’s all just admit right now that one of the HUGE aspects of being human is that WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES AND NO ONE IS PERFECT.  ALL – OF -US. Even the egotistical jerks (WHAA!?!?! I can hear their disbelief and denial from here). Even… politicians, CEO’s, presidents, pop stars, actors and other assorted blowhards.  NO ONE is actually as perfect as their ego would lead them to believe (or as substandard, if that’s the way your ego swings). That little voice…it’s delusional! (I feel like I’ve said this all before, but YOU people aren’t listening to me and we ALL know that I’m the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD! BOW TO MY EGO! LISTEN TO ALL MY WORDS OF GENIUS! OBEY THEM! NOW!)

Remember when I was…WINNING, WINNING, WINNING in a previous blog post!!? I’m an ego-asshole too! Except, I was being SARCASTIC. Sarcasm is the best quality we humans have. Forget the ego and invest all your energy into sarcasm. Spend time building your sarcasm skills! I wish some dude would write a blog about how being sarcastic is best. It really is amazing and the only way to be.

And guys, dudes, chicks, peeps: sarcasm about yourself is the best there is! Forget humility…go right ahead and make fun of yourself, first and foremost! It feels pretty good. Maybe it’s a form of egotistical-ness? haaaa. You found me out! Actually I think it’s somewhere in the middle, which is THE place to be. Making fun of yourself is where you realize and accept that you have flaws, but also where you’ve over exaggerated those flaws which feels good because you know you’re not actually that bad. You’re not perfect but you’re not a total asshat either.  Congrats, you are well balanced and amazing.

Dudes, I am SO WINNING!! FUCKING WINNING!!! ARGGGGGG!!!!! HUH!!!!! *weight lifter grunt*

YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF PATHETIC CRYBABY LOSERS! (*lunk alarm blares* I get taken away for being an ASS)

P.s. One way in which I fail at winning, is that I CANNOT STOP PUTTING 2 SPACES AFTER A PERIOD.  I AM A HUGE FAILURE! (My ego tends to swing this way…)


About Victoria Sawyer (283 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

3 Comments on I Got No Time for Egos

  1. The 2 spaces after a period thing is actually the correct way to write I think. We used to get docked for not doing it in our papers in high school

    Liked by 1 person

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