Sarcasm Central

Resting Bitch Face Syndrome

People across the world finally have a name for a disorder they’ve been suffering from for years: Resting Bitch Face Syndrome (RBFS). RBFS sufferers no longer have to suffer in silence! Now that their disorder is finally being taken seriously by society, there is hope for a cure or at the very least understanding and empathy.

Resting Bitch Face Syndrome: a serious syndrome where an individual’s resting or inactive facial expression appears to be bitchy, cranky or otherwise unpleasant and unapproachable. People with RBFS often look at though they’d like to scream at you or rip you a new one.

Sufferers are often unaware of their RBFS and typically are not actually unpleasant, unapproachable or bitchy. This sad syndrome often leaves sufferers unable to get good service at restaurants, make new friends, make a good first impression, or sucker strangers into carrying their luggage at the airport. 

In general RBFS affects women, although some men are known to suffer from a related disease often called Jerk Face or Asshole Countenance.  Some call the male disorder Resting Bastard Face.  

While people with RBFS often have to suffer alone and learn to live with their disorder, there is one benefit in that smiling creates unsightly wrinkles while RBFS keeps the face from moving from a natural scowl, thus maintaining a superior and bitchy mask which keeps the sufferer pretty, longer.

“That’s why I’m so damn pretty…like Scarlet O’Hara. I practice resting bitch face on the daily. (BTW..don’t fuck with me…mothafucka!) hahaha.” ~ Victoria Sawyer

RBFS affects people from all walks of life and about 50-65% of the population suffers from this debilitating disorder.  Let’s hear from some RBFS sufferers:

“I’ve had Resting Bitch Face my entire life, though I didn’t have a name for it. For years I wondered why people were afraid to approach me at parties. Even my boss at work seemed intimidated by my mere presence. He’d drop work on my desk, avoid eye contact and run! I didn’t even know I looked that way!” ~Susan Sheldon, Unaware RBFS Sufferer for 24 years.

“I’ve often noticed that other lone women at the airport would have men approach them, willing to carry their bags.  I know I’m attractive, petite and helpless, so I never understood why no one would offer to help me. Then I learned that I suffer from RBFS. Now I know that people believe I’ll bitch slap them or curse them out if they approach me!  I won’t!  I promise! I’m actually a very nice person and my bags are really heavy!” ~Jennifer Morse, Weakling RBFS Sufferer for 30 years

“One time at a restaurant the waitress informed me that I was scaring other patrons with my frowning, scowling and general air of pissed off unhappiness. I wasn’t even pissed off! I was just reading my cell phone while I waited for my boyfriend. It’s unfair to have RBFS! People are always judging me before they know me!” ~ Patrice Johnson, unfairly judged RBFS Sufferer for 36 years.

“When I started working at a grocery store, the other women in the courtesy booth didn’t want me working with them because they thought I was a bitch! They claimed I was a certified, card carrying, rip-your-head-off, scream in yo’ face, slap you silly, judging you like crazy, totally better’n you fuckin’ bitch. But I’m not! They know better now, but my RBFS kept me from making fast friends!” ~ Victoria Sawyer, Annoyed RBFS Sufferer for 33 years.

“I got passed up for a promotion at work because of my RBFS. I’m supposed to greet people that come to the office, but when I’m just sitting there doing my work, looking at my screen, I look unapproachable, snotty, sullen, unhappy, superior and bitchy. But I’m not! I would never curse, yell or scathe! I’ve never thought I was better than anyone! I’m just concentrating and not smiling! It’s unfair that I get discriminated against for something I can’t control. Why should I have to forcibly smile so people will think I’m a nice person! You know what, I refuse to look like Jack Nicholson’s the Joker just so I can get promoted!” ~ Kelly Sutherland, Disgruntled RBFS Sufferer for 26 years.

Photo of Victoria Sawyer in a field of flowers, looking...well...bitchy

“Look at me suffer!!….See how I can be in a field of pretty flowers and still look mighty pissed off.  Don’t fuck with me flowers!!  I WILL DESTROY YOU!!  I am NOT AMUSED!! People literally think I’ll destroy them because of my RBFS! They think I hate flowers!” ~ Victoria Sawyer

 

“My problem is that sometimes I squint because I’m a bit nearsighted. I’ve started noticing that people think I’m Medusa and that I’ll turn them to stone! I’ve literally seen people flinch because they think I’m sporting a killer glare! I don’t have snakes coming out of my head! There’s no need to quake in your boots around me! I don’t hate anyone!” Janine Waldorf, Glaring RBFS sufferer for 29 years.

“My RBFS is so bad that even my friends that know me think I’m the worst bitch in the world! I’m beginning to think that my RBFS might be why I was queen of the bitchy clique in High School! I’m not even a bitch! But having a killer glare and a facial superiority complex made people afraid to displease me. In reality I was usually just bored and smiling was too much work. Plus the wrinkles from smiling too much, who wants to get those!” ~Jessica Danforth, Queen Bee RBFS for 19 years.

“I’ve recently come to terms with my Resting Bitch Face Disorder! I want to reduce the stigma by embracing the way I look! It can be useful to scare people away. As an introvert, I’m often forced to deal with annoying people, but now that I’m leveraging the power of my RBFS I’m finally getting the peace and quite I’ve always dreamed of!” ~Dana Cooper, Overjoyed RBFS Sufferer for 45 years.

“All the people I work with call me Negative One or Pessimistic Perry even though I’m not even that pessimistic! They just assume I’m negative, cranky, angry and unhappy because of my Resting Bastard Face! I’m actually a really nice guy with a big heart.” ~Perry Hanson, pessimistic RBFS Sufferer for 48 years.

“One time when I was on a plane, a woman snapped at me, ‘what are you looking at!’ when I was just minding my own business! Who was the real bitch in this situation?! It certainly as hell wasn’t me!” ~Beth Jackes, not the real bitch RBFS sufferer for 37 years.

“People honestly think I’m stuck up and superior because of my RBFS. I do have a lot of money and prefer a certain lifestyle, but that doesn’t mean I’m superior! I can’t help it if I sometimes roll my eyes at your comments or snicker behind my hand when you talk about your loser life.” ~Samantha Westcott, fake RBFS Sufferer for 0 years.

“Once I tried to smile for a full week just to see how it feels not to have Resting Bitch Face. People thought I was a crazy psychopath, my kids were terrified and my husband slept in the guest bedroom for the duration. He still hasn’t come back to our bed! There’s no winning for RBFS sufferers! Even my forced smiles are scary! Why oh why can’t I just have a normal face!” ~Hetty Patterson, can’t win RBFS sufferer for 39 years.

“I actually attribute my youthful yet stern, professional and no-nonsense look to RBFS. My bitchy demeanor paved my road to success. It buttered my bun. In no time flat I was everyone’s boss because people believed I’d be good at bossing people around. Luckily I have the personality to match my beautiful bitch face.” ~Glenda Goodwin, Proud RBFS sufferer for 43 years.

“As a waitress I’ve suffered for many years with low tips and disgruntled patrons because of my Resting Bitch Face. People have complained to my manager that I look like a total bitch while I’m carrying their food from the kitchen. I wasn’t even unpleasant to these people! They judged me unfairly on my facial expression! It should be against the law to discriminate against someone for having RBFS! I can’t help it and there’s no cure!” ~Betty Gorsky, tipless RBFS Sufferer for 24 years.

“I once made a room full of 6 year olds cry because I simply looked at them.” ~Terry Page, making people cry RBFS sufferer for 41 years.

“Several of my employees are terrified of me. I’ve made 2 administrative assistants cry by looking at them while walking by and one of my direct reports, a man, cowered in his office in fear simply because I asked for his TPS reports. I wasn’t even angry or upset but I guess my face looks a little stern. It sucks that I’m so terrifying to look at!” ~Frank McIntosh, RBFS sufferer for 51 years.

“Women are constantly being catty to me because of my Resting Bitch Face. Once a woman accused me of being ‘too full of myself and a self-centered superior snob with pretensions.’ They believe I’m full of myself but in reality I haven’t even moved my face into an expression yet!  I’d like to be the one to make choices about which facial expressions I want you to judge! You’ll know when you see it! But instead, far too often my bitch face chooses for me! And Catty true bitches, I’m sorry that my lack of expression is so offensive to you! But I’m not a bitch, you are!” ~Susan Holland, cranky RBFS sufferer for 39 years.

“People are always telling me to smile as if they think I’m unhappy or angry.  I’m not! And no I didn’t ask you! Mind your own damn business! Leave my face alone! It’s been said to me so many times over the years that I’m turning into an actual bitch because of my RBFS. It sucks! And no, I don’t want to smile!” ~Kate Jessop, RBFS sufferer for 26 years.

It seems that there’s some anger and pride associated with Resting Bitch Face Syndrome. Whether this is a symptom of the disorder or a product of living with RBFS, is hard to know. Hopefully all the RBFS sufferers in the world will be able to come to terms with their disorder in their own way. Many may need therapy to sort out their feelings of having a face that misrepresents their intentions, feelings and values. Dealing with this sad state of affairs cannot be easy and we here at Angst Anarchy sympathize with anyone who suffers so terribly with RBFS. We are committed to spreading the word about this disorder!

Not only are we empathetic, we’re also sufferers ourselves.  We hear your pain, anger and yes pride, and we commiserate appropriately by sporting our own bitchy resting face daily. We will stand in solidarity with you! Let’s march on the capitol and declare our freedom from abuse, catty remarks and misunderstandings. We will not be judged  as bitches even though its in the name of our disorder! RBFS sufferers unite!

 

Advertisements
About Victoria Sawyer (281 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, aspiring graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

14 Comments on Resting Bitch Face Syndrome

  1. Ha! Great post. Of course I love all things Bitch Face!

    Like

  2. Couldn’t stop smiling throughout while I was reading this post!! Does that prove I don’t suffer from RBFS!!!

    Like

    • TOO MUCH SMILING!! You gotta rest that face to keep pretty! You gotta practice your bitchface, because practice makes perfect. Maybe you’re a wanna-be sufferer? hahahaha. It’s an art!

      Like

  3. I have the male version of this called RBF(Resting Bitter Face). People always wonder why I look so bitter (which I am) but my face just naturally looks like it is frowning.

    Like

  4. This problem is exactly why no boy in my high school would date me. I later found out that I looked “scary” and like I’d “probably kill a guy” for asking me out.

    Liked by 1 person

2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. Nature’s Fail: Exercise | Angst
  2. 2 Kitten Power | Angst

Step right up, it's about to get crazy in the hizzy

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: