The news: Sarcasm promotes creativity and is good for the office.
BOO YA! What this means is that I am #winning at being an office team mate and #winning at creativity. What this also means is that YOU need to HIRE me RIGHT NOW!! You know why? Because my sterling pristine sarcastic banter will make your ENTIRE TEAM more CREATIVE!! Just by basking in my sarcastic presence at the office water cooler or shootin’ the shit at my desk about work stuff, your office will be better, stronger, faster. Your office will be filled with creative ninjas, karate kicking their way through projects like Bruce Lee.
This seriously makes me feel special, as a person. It freaking validates my LIFE’S WORK! People, what I do is VALUABLE! Reading this blog will actually make your brain more creative while you’re trying to decipher my sarcasm-speak and craziness!
I AM MAKING YOU SMARTER, READERS!
I never thought, in my wildest dreams, I’d be writing those words. I never thought I’d be able to make such an overblown, blow hard, braggy comment about this insane blog and actually have proof to back it up. I’m feeling a powerful need to share this on FB as a bit of braggy assholish propaganda. (Is this how the FB braggarts feel all the time? This powerful need to promote themselves ad nauseam? To give other people on FB a bit of the middle finger? DID YOU EVER DOUBT ME FB?! NOW I’ve GOT PROOF!! (Truthfully, this powerful feeling is giving me the willies. *shiver*))
Check out this article on Yahoo that totally corroborates everything I just said. It corroborates my ALIBI! In fact, SCIENCE confirms, endorses and authenticates that Sarcasm at Work is a Useful Tool. Guys, SCIENCE SAID SO!! That’s saying something! I’m not just some nitwit self-obsessed blogger sayin’ so, I’m quoting a legitimate SCIENTIFIC STUDY by people from HARVARD and COLUMBIA. I am not shittin’ you! THIS IS LEGIT! This study was conducted by people SMARTER than me. That’s how you know it’s legit.
So now whenever I’m really sarcastic at the office, I’m going to pat myself on the back and give myself a gold star. I should track it on a little graph at my desk, dont’cha think? I’d be blingin’ out that sheet all day long with gold stars! Bling BLING!!!
Additionally, my merit pay should obviously reflect how much daily sarcasm I’m able to deliver to the good people in my office. I should be PAID extra for being sarcastic since it’s so beneficial and positive. I’m thinking dollars per sarcastic comment would be sufficient? How much would be right? $1 per comment? Tip jar?
So, there you have it. Sarcasm is a do-gooder activity or public service, much like being a good Samaritan of sarcasm. Your daily dose of sarcasm is recommended by Columbia and Harvard. Your creative health and the health of your workforce will thank you. You’re welcome for this PSA. Feel free to pat me on the back or give massive accolades for my performance.