Sarcasm Central

Inbound Marketing: Schooling Newbie Facebook Sales People

Inbound Marketing: friends don't let friends become hard selling, dead-eyed, sleazy, facebook feed bombarding sales peopleIf you’ve ever been anywhere in the remote vicinity of that twisted social wasteland Facebook, you’ll have noticed that your friends and family are all selling something with absolute abandon and no shame. Whenever I view my feed it’s filled with loud people all shouting:

BUY MY XYZ PRODUCT! MESSAGE ME NOW!! IT’S AMAZING! IT’S THIS AND THAT AND FUCKING THE COOLEST EVER AND IF YOU DON’T BUY IT, YOU’LL SURELY SHRIVEL UP AND DIE!!

Also you’ll see the obligatory friend/relative guilt trips and pouting regarding why you aren’t immediately signing up for their “party” or product or whatever. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU NOT SUPPORT ME, I’M JUST TRYING TO GET AHEAD! JERK! HOW DARE YOU REFUSE TO SUPPORT MY DREAMS WITH YOUR MONEY! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!

Ummm… frankly, I’m sick of it and it sucks. Here’s the thing, when people become hard selling, cold call making, Facebook bombarding sales people they lose their soul. They basically care nothing whatsoever for other people and only want to SELL SELL SELL!!! FUCKING SELL!! MAKE ME SOME MONEY BITCHES! MEET SALES QUOTAS OR DIE!! PRESSURE!

This is the most obnoxious thing that can happen to a good person. Here’s the thing…I get why people do this…they get sucked into the scam that “you too can work from home!” or “you too can have an easy satisfying home/online business that rakes in millions!” and yeah, that sounds pretty nice, but guess what? It’s a fucking SCAM! You cannot make millions from home. Well..okay, mayyyybe some people (1% of the population? Maybe less?) can but they are not and I REPEAT, not using the “hard” sell on their friends and family.

I’ve recently been learning quite a bit about Inbound Marketing (which has been on my radar but I’ve been delving in deeper recently via the super amazing Hubspot) and this kind of marketing actually makes sense to me and doesn’t make me want to murder someone. (Good slogan for Inbound: The marketing solution that won’t make people want to murder you!) It’s all about bringing customers in to your product by being “thought leaders” and producing quality content like blog posts that people actually want to read AND that actually HELP people.

People and companies who do this actually build up a fan base over time based upon their expertise and FREE educational content and their readers in turn, TRUST THEM and know that they aren’t full of bullshit. And yes most people have finely attuned bullshit detectors especially when it comes to a dead-eyed I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-you-I-just-want-your-money sales pitches.

Inbounders (you bounder, you absolute CAD! ha) are different because after they’ve gained trust and proven themselves as thought leaders, they can now gain customers who actually want to try their product. The hard sales pitch comes at the VERY VERY END when people actually WANT the sales pitch. (They were asking for it…I tell ya!) And beyond that, Inbounders continue to try to delight their customers by continuing to be AMAZING AND AWESOME. Yes, these qualities are essential for any business that actually wants to practice Inbound.

This makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE! Plus as a customer I don’t feel that I’m being scammed or having the wool pulled over my eyes (WTF? Weird saying) by some unscrupulous company who just wants to make money from a shitty product! The wool pulling companies don’t seem to actually care about their product, the people who are buying it or their industry because they force their product down your throat without permission. I feel that Inbound Marketing proves to the consumer that the company is here to stay, that they are passionate about what they do and about helping customers and people in general reach their goals. Any legit company SHOULD want to create a lasting brand that delivers value to their customers. That’s what they’re there for! Not to make a quick buck by screwing someone with a shitty expensive or scam product that no one really needs or wants.

I think what throws traditional marketers off about Inbound is that you’re actually giving something away for FREE (i.e. informative blog posts, free ebooks, helpful checklists etc). This just blows their tiny sales person minds and their scary dead eyes go absolutely cross-eyed when they hear about Inbound: WHAT THE FUCK? I’m trying to make money, not give people stuff for free!?! Well, actually, giving something away for free is an excellent show of good will AND it shows your customer the kind of products and support they’d be getting even more of if they actually paid for something. Plus it builds TRUST!

So, now we return to these at-home sales people. These people need to stop using Facebook to blast their friends and family about the product they’re selling. They need to immediately stop offering product demos or a sales pitch or any kind of party, giveaway etc. Also, you cannot, PLEASE YOU CANNOT, just start a blog and start posting about how your life has been changed by the product either. We can see right through that little ploy! If you start a blog that says, we just started using XYZ product and suddenly we’re feeling so much better! We’re healthy, we’re thinner, OMG OMG it’s A GODDAMNED MIRACLE FROM GOD! STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND BUY BUY BUY!! If you do this, I’m gonna know that you just started selling that damn product and you’re marketing it by talking about your own experience which may or may not be legit (yes, I know what you’re writing is just some damn party line about the product. I’m not an idiot!) So…Nope, it’s not gonna work.  In fact, rather than bring in customers, it’s just going to PISS people OFF! Which is the exact opposite of what you want!!

Inbound Marketing: Proving to Customers that your company isn't full of complete and utter horseshit.The same applies to those hard sells on FB to friends and family. People are just going to get angry. You’re milking the same people again and again for their hard-earned money! You’re expecting your friends and family to pay for something they don’t really want simply to support your dream of working from home! And GOOD LORD, do not post to FB about how you just went shopping with the money you made from your snazzy new home business that you’ve been cramming down people’s throats on the daily. You’re basically telling the only customer base you have that you just spent their hard-earned-didn’t-want-to-spend-it-money on yourself! This was money that they didn’t really want to part with! They only did so because you beat and coerced them into it by harassing them so much on Facebook that they finally caved! You used your friendship or family-hood for evil. You have sold your friends and family straight to the devil for a few dollars.

Now, not only do you have aggravated, alienated, angry, annoyed, peeved and ticked off friends and family who may no longer want to be friends and family with you, you have also just about completely lost your ENTIRE customer base and have no chance of building it beyond your friends and family because the only way that was gonna work was with their glowing referrals. FB sales person, we your friends and family are holding those referrals HOSTAGE, FOREVER. You will never see them because you’re driving us absolutely crazy. Truthfully, we don’t even HAVE positive referrals because we now hate you.

Listen closely, just give up that pipe dream now of growing your business through your FB contacts! There’s no way in hell you’re going to start a business off the backs of your friends and family and then suddenly explode onto the scene and have tons of customers. It’s completely unrealistic because your customer base isn’t going to be happy with the product or YOU because your friends and family don’t want what you are shoving in their faces night and day. They don’t want that scammy bullshit! If they wanted it, they’d come to you first.

Inbound marketing: the marketing solution less likely to cause friend on friend Facebook-related murder.So, if you absolutely MUST start an at home/online business based upon some kind of so-so product, please, please, please practice inbound marketing! I guess that many of these scammy type companies probably force their sales people (i.e. you) to post to FB 10x per day and force you to give them the names/emails/SSNs/DOBs/first born of all your loved ones and if this is the case, you probably shouldn’t want to be associated with their manipulative sleazy preying business. Your friends and family aren’t going to be happy that you’ve ponied up their contact info in the hopes that you can make some scratch. So…Give it up!  Start your own business or join one that doesn’t require scammy business practices that piss people off. I’m begging you! Join the modern amazing world of Inbound! Ditch the hard sell that makes people furious with impotent rage!

Let’s get to work and clean up my FB feed peeps, by stopping the spam and starting the informative, excellent content that might actually jump start your business through trust, expertise and that little something extra!

Learn More: Inbound Marketing

They Rule Inbound (try their certification, it’s FREE): Hubspot

They Want You to Want Them – Inbound Marketing

Inbound Vs. Outbound

Why Inbound Marketing is on the Rise

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About Victoria Sawyer (282 Articles)
Victoria Sawyer is a blogger, author, aspiring graphic designer, social media enthusiast and mental health advocate. Shocking, honest, sarcastic and humorous, Victoria aims to make readers feel tangible emotions and physical sensations through writing that brings you into the mind and body of someone suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and this strange often darkly hilarious thing we call life. She published her novel Angst in 2013, which realistically and often graphically depicts life with mental illness. Along with crazy blogging, Victoria enjoys reading historical novels, playing with her naughty cats, engaging in rants and metaphysical existential meltdowns and using punctuation to excess in everything she writes.

5 Comments on Inbound Marketing: Schooling Newbie Facebook Sales People

  1. What a novel idea! But then again, if there were no pitches for essential oils, raves about get-slim-quick diet plans, suspiciously chunky ‘fitness experts’ trolling for clients, and whatever the hell else people are into these days, my feed would be totally empty. Except for baby pictures.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I try to steer way clear of that wasteland.

    Liked by 1 person

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